Would you still love me if I tell you I did something you didn’t like? Would you love me as much if I tell you something which would perhaps make you feel ashamed in your society? Would you accept me even after knowing that what I have done might bring disgrace to you and hurt you immensely? Even before I ask you these questions, I know your answer… Yes, you will.
Dear Dad, I want you know that I Love You.. No matter what faith I follow, this fact never changes. Perhaps, I love you even more now because Islam taught me to value you. Perhaps, I Love you even more now because Allah swt tells us-
“Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him, and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or more attain old age in thy life, say not to them a word of contempt, nor repel them, but address them in terms of honor. And out of kindness, lower to them the wing of humility, and say, “my Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood.” (Quran 17: 23-24)
Ya Allah! Bestow on them Thy Mercy, even as they cherished me in childhood.
I know when you read this you’ll have tears in your eyes. I still remember the day you left me in my hostel to study. I remember the tears I saw in your eyes when you had to go back, I remember your voice choking when you called me up to say, “who will do all those pranks at home now?”. They say men are tougher and they don’t cry.. my Dad does. Please don’t cry now Dad, for I am here to tell you that I am happy. Please don’t cry, for I am here to show you the beauty of the Religion that I have chosen. Please don’t cry for these tears are what I am scared of.
Dear Dad, I have not forgotten how much you’ve loved me. I have not forgotten how you worked hard all day and spent sleepless nights so that you could provide for us. I have not forgotten how after a late night’s work, you came at my room’s door and stood for long just to see me sleeping peacefully. I have not forgotten how glad you would be to take us to that Chinese restaurant though you never liked Chinese. I have not forgotten how you would be awake till I returned home from my friend’s birthday, no matter how late and how you would not tell me a word because you saw I was scared. I have not forgotten how you would suddenly stop frowning and explaining, at my mistakes (for you never scolded me), when you saw that one drop of tear coming in my eyes.. even when you knew I was using it to blackmail you.
I remember it all Dad. If I write every moment that is flashing in my mind at this moment, weeks would pass and pages would exhaust. As the time to face you comes closer, my heart starts weaning not from the thought of your anger, not at the thought of the difficulties you will face, but at the thought of the smile fading from your face, at the thought of the spark in your eyes being replaced by tears, at the thought of the disappointment caused by the feeling of betrayal from the little one you loved the most.
How will you react when you see me walking in my hijab down the airport lane as you eagerly wait at the arrival gate peeping from behind the crowd to have that first glimpse of me? Will you still open your arms for me to enter and give that peck on my forehead which I always look forward to?
I wish I could show you what Allah swt has promised of the believers. I wish I could show you how this deen has made your daughter a better person. I wish I could tell you that the only truth in the universe is “La Ilaha IllAllah Muhammad-Ur RasulAllah”. I wish I could explain how much I want you to be a part of this Ummah. I am a Muslim my father….. I am a Muslim.
Countless nights dear Dad… Countless nights I have spent in sujood praying that Allah swt gives mom and you hidayat. Do you remember how u always chose the best room for me in whichever home we moved into? Look Dad, I have chosen for you the most beautiful home to move into forever. InshaAllah.
Do you remember always looking for a home close to my school for my education? Come, I have looked for a home close to the most knowledgeable man who ever lived- our Rusool (saw). InshaAllah. Do you remember rushing from your room when you heard me crying in the middle of the night due to a bad dream and how you hugged me as if nothing on earth could ever reach me across the arms that surrounded me? Come and be saved by the Al-Hafiz Al-Muqit- The Sustainer, The Protector, The Nourisher.
Do you remember when Mom refused Didi (my sister) to shell out coins to munch junkies after school? Do you remember how I, as a four-year old, then came to you with utmost trust (because you never send me back empty-handed when I ask) and how you immediately filled my tiny palms with so many coins that our entire group of friends relished that day. Several times more is the mercy of our Rabb, Ar-Rahmaan Ar-Raheem Al-Kareem- The Most Merciful, The Most Benevolent, The Generous. Come Dad, seek and experience His Mercies.
But if they turn away, Say: “(Allah) sufficeth me: there is no god but He: On Him is my trust,- He the Lord of the Throne (of Glory) Supreme!” [At Tawbah 9:129]
They say you’ll be angry when I tell you about my deen. It is not the anger, but the hurt that scares me..That makes me tremble, that burdens my heart. They ask me why do I want you to get into the mess of making you a Muslim when gaining your acceptance as a Muslimah is going to be difficult in the first place… Why? Because you must go back to Ar-Rahmaan Ar-Raheem who gave you to me, Our Creator who created you my father…because I Love You more than I Love Myself..
Dear Dad.. please come for the pleasure of Allah swt. Please come for I Love You.. Please Come for He(swt) loves you even more… SubhanAllah! InshaAllah..Ameen.
Lots of Love,
Your daughter- A revert Muslimah…