my journey as a revert muslimah

A letter to a friend…

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Dear Khushi,

I see you every day.. everyday, every moment that you are smiling, bubbling with joy, spreading happiness, being kind.. Alhamdulillah. I see the tears that you hide, the burdens that you silently carry, the hopes that you clench so tight in your fist… I see it my friend, I see it and yet I remain but a silent spectator.

As you speak to your parents over phone, speaking as a grown up child, willing to take up the burden that even the most able sons of this day shy to take up. I observe sitting behind you, as eyes twinkle when you share your dreams and as that gorgeous dimple makes its way when you imagine the happiness you wish to give your parents. SubhanAllah.

A person came to the Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) and asked, “Who among people is the most deserving of my fine treatment?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, “Your mother.” He then asked, “Who next?” The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) replied, “Your mother.” He asked again, “Who next?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said again, “Your mother.” He again asked, “Then who?” He (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said, “Your father.” [Sahih Bukhari]

SubhanAllah! Is it not a part of Islam that breathes within you? Unknowingly, is it not the word of Allah subhanah wa ta’ala (Glorified and Exalted be He) that you’re following? Hasn’t Allah subhanah wa ta’ala (Glorified and Exalted be He) blessed you my beloved friend with these emotions and vulnerability towards your parents?

What is a Muslim who, as pious as he may be, does not cast a loving glance at his mother? What is a Muslim who turns his back to Allah subhanah wa ta’ala minutes after making a salah? It is Allah subhanah wa ta’ala ( Glorified and Exalted be He) who is the turner of hearts. Only He (subhanah wa ta’ala) can open a heart and it is only He a subhanah wa ta’ala) who can seal them.

The Messenger of Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “The curse of Allah is on the one who causes difficulty to his mother. The curse of the angels and the curse of mankind are on him. Allah neither accepts his Fardh nor his Nafl worship as long as he does not repent and obey his mother. He has to gain her pleasure as best he can. Allah’s pleasure depends on the mother’s pleasure and His wrath is concealed in her wrath.” [Ahmad]

“I believe in Allah and his last messenger (salallahu alayhi wasallam)”. I remember being flabbergasted to hear that from you! I remember asking you to repeat it for me..
“what???…. you do!….”, I kept staring
“Masha’allah”.

That was then, and till this date I wonder, “is she a muslim?”.. Wallahi, I witnessed you saying that. I witnessed you casually trying to mutter la ilaha il Allah Muhammadur rasool Allah as you were doing the dishes.

“Wha..hey! how do you say that?” and I mumble it for you and deep down I wonder, “does she know what she is saying?”.. I gasped and all I could do was to gasp. I looked up and from my heart went a silent duaa, “Ya Allah…. guide her.”

Your eyes widen when you ask about Islam, you are all ears when my answers come from the little knowledge that I have. You ask, you question, you debate, you smile and then you accept. Your smile fades as I tell you jannah is for the believers and for disbelievers it is the jahannum. It is always In Shaa Allah (by the will of Allah alone).

Surely, God has cursed the disbelievers, and has prepared for them a flaming Fire wherein they will abide for ever.” (Quran 33:64)

They will long to leave the Fire, but never will they leave there from; and theirs will be a lasting torment.” (Quran 5:37)

“…And they will never leave of the Fire.” (Quran 2:167)

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This is dunya..it is imperfect and temporary. Perfection is for akhirah and it is everlasting, never-ending and forever. The trials, tribulations, disgrace and pain that is here is but for a few moments..

“But I cannot accept Islam”, you say. ” It will break my parents, they will die”.. and as your voice chokes, I try to read the fears you carry. I try to see the girl I used to see in me six years back, I try to  pick up the shattered pieces of hope and place them on your palm…. Allah subhanah wa ta’ala loves you the most. Allah is Ar Rahmaan, Ar Raheem, Al Wadud and As Sami – The Most Merciful, The Most Benevolent, The Most Loving and The All Seeing. He is Al Aleem- the All Knowing and only He knows what is the best for us.

“I’ll tell Allah that I couldn’t do it, for my parents”, is what you say..

It is narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Allah has one hundred parts of mercy, of which He sent down one between the jinn, mankind, the animals and the insects, by means of which they are compassionate and merciful to one another, and by means of which wild animals are kind to their offspring. And Allah has kept back ninety-nine parts of mercy with which to be merciful to His slaves of the Day of Resurrection.” (Muslim, al-Tawbah, 6908)
 

“…as compared with the life of the hereafter, the life of this world is nothing but a brief passing enjoyment” (Quran, Ar-Rad: 26).

The Prophet (Salallahu alayhi wasallam), too, clarified the value of this life in relation to the hereafter. He said, “The life of this world compared to the hereafter is as if one of you were to put his finger in the ocean and take it out again then compare the water that remains on his finger to the water that remains in the ocean” [Sahîh Muslim (2858)].

Ibn ‘Umar said: The Messenger of Allah (Salallahu alayhi wasallam) took me by the shoulder and said:“Be in this world as though you were a stranger or a traveler/wayfarer.”

It may seem as a sorrow of lifetime, it may seem as a path filled with thorns, it may look as if it is too much to endure but….. but my friend, if only you see the destination. The destination is Allah…Al Mutakabbir, Al Khaliq – The Most Majestic, The Creator. See it as a small test. Didn’t you give those tests in school to become what you are today to the world? For something that is so transient- the dunya!

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Allah subhanah wa ta’ala( Glorified and Exalted be He) loves your parents a lot more than you do and He only loves you a lot more than your parents. The love of Allah is 70 times the love of your mother! And what is greater than the love of a mother in dunya. We always think we will turn towards Allah tomorrow but is tomorrow promised to you?

A shudder runs down my spine…. what if we die today? What if Allah commands my soul to leave my body? Am I ready? We’ll be taken up in the state we die… will I be able to utter the shahadah? Rather, will Allah subhanah wa ta’ala ( Glorified and Exalted be He) allow me to utter the shahadah in those moments? Have I been obedient to Him? Have I led a life of his pleasure? How foolish we are to plan our future, to say words like, “One day I will mend my ways…” , “I will turn to Him if……..”

“Innalilahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon” To Allah we belong and to Him we shall return.” (Quran Surat Al Baqarah 2:156)

“Every soul shall have a taste of death, then to us you will be ultimately returned.” (Quran Surat Al Ankaboot 29:57)

My dear friend, He doesn’t have to wait for us to turn to Him… We belong to Him! He shall say Be and it will Be! Yet, hasn’t He (subhanah wa ta’ala) been so patient with us? Yet, hasn’t He (subhanah wa ta’ala) not given us time enough to turn and repent? Imagine the day when In-shaa-Allah we shall stand before Him… Imagine if He is pleased with us, we shall be allowed to enter the gate of Jannah forever……. in shaa Allah..

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Imagine my friend, close your eyes…. think…. with your parents you stand before the Almighty.. imagine being in sujood right before the Malik-ul-mulk.. Masha’allah..wouldn’t you want that honour? Wouldn’t you want it for your parents too? Alhamdulillah.. in shaa Allah.

No reward do I ask of you: it is (all) in your interest: my reward is only due from Allah: and He is Witness to all things.” (Surah Saba 34:47).

I feel your pain, I feel your fear. Keep them aside for you don’t realise who is by your side. The Kings of Kings, The Most Powerful, The Eternal, The Most Magnificent of all… As Samad, Al Majid… Allah…. do not withhold your steps anymore, come one put your foot forward! Come and for once experience it.. come and for once cry your heart out to Him. The only true Love that ever was, the only Love that shall never hurt.. the love for Al Wadud… SubhanAllah!

Come my friend.. come.. Come to your Maker.. come to your Master. Turn. No time is a better time than Now. Feel His mercy, beg from Him alone..submit to His will and find success in being a servant. In shaa Allah..

And me… I shall be right here always.. in shaa Allah..making the same duaa for you. Ya Allah..guide her on the siratal mustaqeem… Ameen

Everyone shall taste death. And only on the Day of Resurrection shall you be paid your wages in full. And whoever is removed away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise, he indeed is successful. The life of this world is only the enjoyment of deception (a deceiving thing).  
( Aal-e-Imran Chapter 3:185)

With love and hopes,
Your friend,
A revert Muslimah…

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PS- as you read this, please make duaa for my friend and her family… in shaa Allah their heart too shall turn. Ameen

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