That was how I first heard of Saaiq. I was told he is a practising muslim, looking for a pious practising muslimah. The description stayed with me. It said pious and practising, not beautiful, fair, highly educated and homely.
The Prophet (saws) said: “A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status, her beauty, and her religion; so try to get one who is religious, may you be blessed.”
I was told that he is a doctor who is involved in a lot of voluntary work for pleasing Allah. I was told that he was humble and kind. I still remember the first time our meet was arranged. He came down from Singapore and we saw each other at Alima Shehnaz’s house.
I noticed how his gaze immediately went down after the first glance. I noticed his beard. I noticed how he ate, how he drank, how he wore his shoes. It was all in lines with the sunnah of our Prophet salallahu alayhi wasallam. Alhamdulillah. In the days that came, I prayed salat-ul-istikhara and alhamdulillah by the will of Allah gave my consent. This time it was for Allah’s pleasure and I saw in him just what Allah wanted me to see. He was pious, responsible and of good character. A few days later consent came from their side too and the rest was history.
Abu Hurayrah radiallahu anha reported that the Prophetsalallahu alayhi wasallam said: “If a man whose religious commitment and moral conduct you approve of proposes for marriage to your daughter, then marry her to him; otherwise, trials will prevail and great corruption will spread upon the earth.” [At-Tirmithi & Ibn Maajah]
It was five yeas from today. Each day henceforth is treated as a gift from Allah, another opportunity to please him. Saaiq helped me complete half my deen. A doting husband, adoring father, a funny companion to have but first a devoted servant of Allah subhanah wa ta’ala. The years that went, have humbled me. A sense of peace prevails within me that I have not experienced ever before. I know there lies a test for me in this too.
It was like that until the call came. I decided I wouldn’t go and I wouldn’t tell Saaiq about it. Why should I tell Saaiq and disturb my marital life? Why because of her again? I have not forgotten the hurt. The image of a 24 year old me flashes in my mind. I look at my baby, Furq’ān. He is in his own world. Masha’allah. An amanahfrom Allah. A blessing.
Aafiyah and I lost our baby…
AllahuAkbar… inni lillahi wa inna ilayhi rajioon.
Did I feel the loss of a mother? Why does she want to meet me? I really shouldn’t care.
I kept my phone off all day. Maybe I was an escapist. Perhaps that’s what I always did. My heart wasn’t at peace. I begged Allah for mercy.
Aafiyah is counting her last moments… she wants to meet you..
“The Muslim Ummah is like one body. If the eye is in pain then the whole body is in pain and if the head is in pain then the whole body is in pain” (Sahih Bukhari, Book 32, #6261)
Why does she want to meet? What if she dies? Should I tell Saaiq? Will he accept me with my past?
Yes… Saaiq doesn’t know. I never told him. He never asked.
It was a restless day. That voice within me felt for her. I knew I wanted to go. In spite of everything, she is my sister in ummah. A sister who has sent for me. Must I not go? Perhaps, it was my qadr that Saaiq must know.
As dusk approached, Fur’qān stood staring at the door awaiting his father, as he always does. His eyes lit with glee as the door knob turns! I think it’s mutual. I see that spark in Saaiq’s eyes too. They are the same eyes after all. It was different today for me. I cherished as I saw the similar scene again today as if it was the last time I was seeing it. Would my life be the same after this day?
Lost in my thoughts, I forgot to walk towards Saaiq and greet him. But kind as he is, he came forward and with a warm hug asked me if everything was alright. I nodded in affirmative. Though, I saw the frown of doubt on his face, I looked down and walked into the kitchen.
After Maghreb, as my family waited for supper, my mind was going through a turmoil. I kept looking at my family playing and joking as the dastarkhan lay spread. I felt scared of losing again. I was afraid of standing alone again. I couldn’t utter a word. I missed many questions and gave random responses.
As we put Fur’qān to sleep, Saaiq held my hand and we sat in the hall.
– ” what’s the matter? Has anything happened?”
The tone softened my heart and tears gushed out uncontrollably. How by the will of Allah he always solved every issue of my life! How he was everything I wanted in my spouse.
-“Mairah! tell me, I am there..” his grip became firmer and something squeezed my heart.
-” I got a call today Saaiq. In the morning.”
He gave a soft smile, “..and?”
My voice choked as I muttered , ” from my ex- husband….”
Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient (to Allah and to their husbands) and guard in their husband’s absence what Allah orders them to guard (e.g. their honor, husbands property, etc) [ Qur’an 4:34]
To be continued. . .