In my words...

. . .and then I called you. (Part 10)


I wish I could understand her expressions as she came out. What happened inside? How has she been? Where was she all these years? But her veil hid it all. I wanted to say sorry.. I wanted to ask whether she was doing fine.

Fine? Who was I kidding. With the man that I saw her with- the way he stood as a shield between her and me, a man who came with her all the way for a strange woman- alhamdulillah, sure she was more than fine with him.

Yet, to seek one word of forgiveness from her or perhaps out of mere instinct…..

– “M.. Mairah…”

It was a mistake. I should have noticed that she isn’t the same Mairah anymore. I should have realised that not once did she glance at me. I should have realised that I am but a na-mahram.


Without any response, she started walking away. Her gait getting faster and faster until she reached the end of the corridor. I stood there, watching her as she found her man. I was amazed at how he understood her even before she reached him and embraced her. My faith on him was reaffirmed when I saw her finding homage in him. As I saw him comforting her.

The Prophet(Sallallahu alaiyhi wassallam) said to Saaid ibn Abi Waqqas,”Know that no charity that you give whether small or large, for the sake of Allah, but you will be rewarded for it, even the bite (of food) that you put in your wife’s mouth.” [Bukhari & Muslim]

– ” Ammi, did you clear your test?”, her toddler sprang up, ” Abba told me you had a test.”

– “In shaa Allah Fur’qān”, the same voice after so many years, but with a lot more composure.

The man carried his child and my gaze followed them for as long as it could. SubhanAllah! A family that I once dreamt of having… a family that is but an amanah from Allah subhanah wa ta’ala.

Among His proofs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves, in order to have tranquility and contentment with each other, and He placed in your hearts love and care towards your spouses. In this, there are sufficient proofs for people who think.” [Qur’an 30:21]


I went in to meet Aafiyah.

-” She came Kabir! She came.. Did you see her Kabir?”, I had not seen her beaming like this since yesterday.

– “Mmm… ”

– ” Masha’allah, what noor Kabir. Her face…the excellence. Her very presence. I have never seen someone like that.”

Aafiyah kept speaking about her. Mumbling a word here and there. Telling me how good she was. How she wanted her to be there with her and just sit there in nothingness. She kept laughing as if a long lost friend came. A faint smile lingered on her face as she drifted into her slumber.

What made Mairah come? What must she be feeling?

I remembered the last time I had seen her. I remembered her face when I pronounced talaq. I remembered how unfair I had been to her. The day I realised that she had left and the minor searches that I did to find her- only to give up 2 years later. How forgetful I was as a human. How insensitive. My mind was intrigued to know her journey. I shall, of course, never know it. It is only Allah subhanah wa ta’ala who knows it all and who plans it all.

And live with them (your spouses) in kindness. For if you dislike them, perhaps you dislike a thing and Allah makes therein much good.” ( Qur’an 4:19)

Despite all odds, she came today. Yet again, she proved to be someone way beyond my understanding of humane. My heart remembered the day she pleaded for mercy and I never looked back. My mind flashed all the images, tears and hurt of those days.

It is amusing how Qadr works. Today, I am the one who has lost a child, today I sit here alone pleading to my Rabb for my love- looking into my sins, seeking forgiveness but it is a point of no return. I shall see her slowly slipping away and no matter how hard I fasten my grip, time shall never pause..

No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves but is inscribed in the Book of Decrees (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfooz), before We bring it into existence. Verily, that is easy for Allah.
In order that you may not grieve at the things that you fail to get, nor rejoice over that which has been given to you.
(Qur’an 57: 22-23)





21 thoughts on “. . .and then I called you. (Part 10)

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