I finally get invited for a muslim wedding. If you are belong to the indopak region, I am sure you are aware that the term muslim wedding is not synonymous with Islamic wedding.
Weddings have never appealed to me. I think I suffer from agoraphobia. Crowds creep me out. Silence is precious
From the time of arrival, the wedding has been of amuse. Not only am I witnessing the “behind the scenes” of a muslim wedding for the first time, it is only the second time I am witnessing of any wedding at all.
There is not much I have to do here. Therefore, I’ll do what I do the best- write. Here are my observations of the wedding:
1) Tresspassing Hijab: not a single person observes hijab. There are some who observe pseudo purdah- that is the purdah in markets but the moment you step into your destination, the hijabs/abaya/niqab comes off. It doesn’t matter whether there are males here. They are all “like your brothers”. Sufficient to make them your mahrams.
No, do not frown. I was insisted to remove my plain looking hijab amidst the flashiness here because it was after all the wedding season! The men are after all your brothers.
Funnily, I was even informed of some new verses of the Qur’an which said that purdah is to be observed only from jeth (husband’s older brother) and not devar (husbands younger brother). Some more came around to say that Allah says if you accept someone as your brother from the core of your heart, before him it is permissible to be without purdah.
We have some upcoming aalims in every Muslim household here. If I make a list here, the ulamas out there are surely gonna shy away.
2) Gun point invitation– It wasn’t a normal ” please attend my daughter’s wedding” invitation. Invitations are more egotised. “If you do not come, then one day you might want me to come and I will avenge” OR “you don’t come to my daughter’s wedding, I won’t attend your daughters wedding”. Term it threats, warnings, blackmail or Indian way of expressing love. That is how it is . Your job leaves are over, you live 1000km away, you are broke or you are heavily pregnant. None of it matters. You don’t come implies you never wanted to in the first place.
3) Oh All that Gold– woohooo!! So all the gold that you have stocked in your lockers in out. You can make out the status of a person by observing the number of gold rings on his wife’s fingers. There are thick rings, antique rings, fancy rings, heavy solid rings, big rings, small rings, rings with gemstones and those with none.
And there are chains, necklaces, bangles , nose pins, anklets and XYZ ABC pqrstuvewxyz all in Gold!
You can feel those eyes piercing through the gold of another. And the ones with bulky gold have their bosoms swelling with pride.
4) All That Rush– The entire joint family is gathered into the family home. And everyoneeee has lot of work to do. Even if they do not have work they act like they’re busy and going crazy with the hectic schedule. Despite having wedding planners, caterers, decorators, there will be 50 people serving everything.
5) Gossip– So much gossip. Who did what. Who is oh so rich. Did you see her dress. So and so fixed her daughter’s marriage with so and so. Those people are such creeps. I am the best person on earth. I am telling this because I wish good for you.
And so much to catch up! Long time no see. Did your daughter in law conceive? Has it not been five years to her wedding? ABC already had three kids in four years. .
6) Taunts– the best opportunity to steam out all that boiling blood. So you didn’t invite me for your wedding eh? Pass on the bitterest emotions with a sweet smile. The victim usually retorts back with an equally below the belt remark. If you observe conversations, you will realise who hates whom, who fears whom or the darkest mistakes in the life of a person on which she is frequently taunted.
The twisted turning vain Indian Muslim wedding has a lot more interesting observations. A single post does not suffice. Let us follow up with a part two.