Excerpts from my life

The Vain Muslim Wedding-2

The benefit of observing purdah was that nobody expected any help in the chores from me. The chores required roaming around the place and Therefore, amidst the chaos, I could stick to an isolated corner of the house and write this

My companions kept changing. Each came and left for some work soon after. But I stayed there without being tagged the useless vain bahu (daughter in law). 

Here come more facts and features of the Vain Muslim Wedding:

1) The Deen Discussions- Everyone gets the opportunity to explore the  ulama in them. So we get to hear innumerable fatwas and rulings Like keeping  hing (asafetida) in a paper with the bride and family to keep them safe in journey, reciting all five kalimas before nikah, piercing nose is fardh for married women, drinking water the sunnah way gives you reward of 100 martyrs, congregational duas being sunnah and of course various situation where it is “Okay” to remove niqab . 

2) Cramped spaces: This is all about crowded places and messy floors. The house becomes a mess due to the two person per square feet population density. There is water, paper, wrappers, shoes, dropped food and many stamped crushed somethings on the floor. I have spent hours searching for a clean 5*2 sq feet space inaccessible by males for ten minutes so that I could comfortably offer my Salah. 

3) Sleep deprivation: There is no fun when you’re sleep deprived. Period. The functions went on until 1:30-2:00am. You crawl in the morning to make it for fajr (only to find the entire household sleeping due to hangover after partying hard). Just as you get a little sleep, the commotion starts. People start roaming around the house for morning walks, thereby entering each room and checking out if anyone is available for the day’s talking session start. Sometimes there will also be an old auntys group coming in and hanging out in the room for a chit chat in trembling loud voices to comfortably hear each other. There is no sleeping after that. People people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people

4) The day before wedding– it starts with Qur’an Khawni. People are hired to read Quran in your home within 15minutes and get done with it. You gotta fit Allah somewhere dude. So just squeeze time out for it.Family and guests are here and there “acting busy”

Then we have more important stuff like haldi cum sangeet (Music ceremony). We get a DJ and shake that leg of yours babe! There is mehendi (applying turmeric on the bride) and we have cameramen to record it too. 

Gifts for the bride and groom is exotically spread on display and everyone is informed to come and view. There are heaps of gold & diamond jewelery, shoes, accessories, clothes etc. I dont even remember what that ritual was called. 

Rest of the day was all about being bothered about food and dodging the eyes of men.

5)Food- That is everything women in the household do. I don’t know why managing food takes a caterer as well as 50 men in the marriage venue and 50 women at home. The day would begin with people scrambling for a cup of tea and biscuits. Next, chaos would start for where the breakfast was. People would spend hours to figure out whether to have it in the wedding venue or whether to import it at home. Some would leave while others would choose to be at home because going to venue would mean getting dressed up. 

Thus, for them breakfast would finally arrive at 1pm. Lunch would arrive post 4pm. The food is always royal but until dinner evryome would have lost appetite. 

Third day into the ceremony and everyone had given up. 90% did not have supper. Many piled it on plates out of greed and couldn’t swallow beyond few morsels. 

Result? Overused washrooms and some unpleasant odour in the air. 😀 *chuckles*
I cannot believe the post has gone to be so long and I am still not done with my critical analysis. We will follow up with a third part.
By the way, I feel so cheesy to have written “The Wedding Saga” series. I read that a few days back and couldn’t stop gawking at how mushy I was to write that. I wanted to delete it out of embarrassement or redo the framing. Ones who read it deserve an apology. 

Come back for part 3! 

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