Excerpts from my life

Empty Hands…

I remember meeting Mariya* shortly after her divorce. Life certainly did not look like a bed of roses but her positivity was hard to miss. A toddler to look after and a newly acquired job that barely managed to make her ends meet. Yet, she had a zeal towards life that lacks in us despite we are blessed with more endowments.

Speaking to her clearly reflected the affection she still held for her ex-husband. I don’t know why they separated. I never asked and she never hinted the slightest contempt towards him. It would be a lie to say I was not curious but then, it was unimportant. Any normal person would wonder why they parted ways when she had all good words about him. There was no custody battle. He would visit his son often and she never resisted. It was unusual.

What I appreciated the most was that she never adopted the “why me” attitude. With a smile and immense courage she lived through the hardships. She didn’t portray herself as the abandoned helpless woman. Rather, strove to survive with Tawakkul that it is Allah who provides. And surely He did.

Tough times got over. Few years later she got married. In fact, I am certain, to her those were “many “years. And she got married to the same man. As usual, I do not know the why and how. The cheer she had on her face on her wedding day was the brightest that I have ever seen. Perhaps it was relief. Perhaps it was more. They had another baby and its a blessed marriage. Alhamdulillah.

It has been years since I have spoken to her. The heart remembered her today nevertheless. To remember what sincere faith looks like. Devoid of any aggression, contempt, envy or apparent sorrow. She made post-divorce phase look so easy. The true meaning of relying on Allah and handing over your issues to Him. Who else sorts out all the issues anyway?

“… And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him of his matter ease. . .
. . .Allah does not charge a soul except [according to] what He has given it. Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.” [Surah at-Talaq: 2 & 7]

When we think of trials and tribulations, I am certain we can recall at least one person who is suffering more than us. That victim of domestic violence, that person abandoned and shunned by family, the one struggling for two meals a day, the one whose children died, the Rohingyas, the people in war torn states, the homeless, the victim of drug abuse or the child who was raped.

To even think about their issues fills my heart with distress. What did I ever do to be here and they are there? Is it not purely the mercy of Allah? Even in my worst situations I was in a better position than them. And how ungrateful of me to even frown and clinch during my ‘tiny’ tests. What a bad performance.

I see those with huge problem smile and say “Alhamdulillah” and I see ones blessed with almost everything being depressed over small nothings.

Or do you think that you will enter Paradise while such [trial] has not yet come to you as came to those who passed on before you? They were touched by poverty and hardship and were shaken until [even their] messenger and those who believed with him said,”When is the help of Allah ?” Unquestionably, the help of Allah is near. [Quran, 2:214]

You know this verse. I know this verse. And we know innumerable other verses which tell us everything about our problems. Why they are there, how do we react to it and what do we get in return. Yet, we succumb. Making these verses mere theories. Ever experienced how it is to apply them and test reliance on The One?

Next time you feel life is tough, remember this:

On the authority of Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) who said: the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said:
“Look at those who are beneath you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider as less the blessing of Allah.” [Bukharee 6490, abridged & in Muslim (2963) in its completion.]

Your empty hands will be filled counting things you never worked for, yet you do not want to lose. Were they ever empty in the first place? Its overwhelming!


*Name changed

Excerpts from my life

While in Search of the “Right” One.

How hard is it to take a stand for the right in hard times? What does being a Muslim mean in the first place? Do we perform the external obligations of salah, sawm, zakaah, hijab etc. and when time comes to adhere to commandments which do not suit our ease we discard it?

We ought to be vary about our acts with people. Why do we not hate what Allah hates?Something like cheating and more so cheating a slave of Allah. Who knows the someone we underestimate might be dear to Allah? Many a times we do not realise that what we do might be something fraudulent.

Allow me to give an example I recently witnessed. You promised marriage to someone. The someone is looking forward to it. Meanwhile, you get other alliances and you start considering them without informing the former party. No, I am not speaking about considering multiple alliances at a time (I do not have knowledge about its validity). What I am speaking of, is promising someone the hand your son or daughter. Guaranteeing that the alliance is finalised such that the other stops his/ her search but we still search. Many of us carry the misconception that it is okay until the marriage actually happens.

Ibn ‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) which states that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should offer a proposal of marriage over the proposal of his brother until the first one gives up or gives him permission.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, 4746).

It is just ethically wrong and even wrong in Deen. But you know, when we are looking into alliances we forget to appreciate the good things in a person. Especially if the ‘good’ is sincerity towards the deen of Allah. My heart burns when I hear absurd demands like not wanting to marry reverts, not wanting to marry men whose profession is not “xyz”, not wanting to marry someone who lives in “so and so” place.

On the authority of Abu Hurairah (رضي الله عنه) who said: the Messenger of Allah (صلى الله عليه و سلم) said: “Look at those who are beneath you and do not look at those who are above you, for it is more suitable that you should not consider as less the blessing of Allah.” [Bukharee 6490, abridged & in Muslim (2963) in its completion.]

I agree, some standard preferences is always there to ensure compatibility. Its about the specific ones that are so superficial and would not matter once you live with your spouse. These specific demands are just there so that people view two people worthy of each other or perhaps we view ourselves so high that we want the other one to match us in worldliness. Sometimes on a subconscious level we do it because we are competing with someone else whom we believe has a better proposal.

In times of dilemma the solution is perhaps to remember those who do not have even a single proposal because of some ailment or tribulation. Rather we show ingratitude by finding flaws in the one we have. We forget all the advice of our Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam). We forget that the other one might have ignored many flaws in us before agreeing to marry us.

The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Render back trusts to the one who entrusted you, and do not betray the one who betrays you.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3534; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.  

The sad part is, even when we serve reminders, people get uncomfortable. Sooner or later your reminder is smashed on your face as if those words are made up by you and not from the Shari’a. Or some random reason will be served on how difficult it is so adhere to every bits and pieces of Islam. Worse, examples of other people committing the same fraud is given as if it validates the lawfulness of the fraud.

“And let those (executors and guardians) have the same fear in their minds as they would have for their own, if they had left weak offspring behind. So let them fear Allaah and speak right words” [an-Nisa’ 4:9]

Whether it is your parents, siblings, in laws, neighbour, friend or spouse doing it. No matter who. A wrong is a wrong. Stand against it. Allah will take care of you, your heart, your relationships, your food, bills and whatever it is that makes you consider being a silent spectator to their wrongdoing.

Remember, you cannot get beyond what is already pre-destined for you. The least you can do is behave as a strong and faithful Momin by having opinions and decisions in favour of Allah. No matter what you decide, you fate is in His control. Why earns sins and wrath in the process by accessing your will in what He hates

I’ll leave you with this: How one must love Allah?

Allah, the Most High says: “{Say (O Muhammad, to mankind): “If you (really) love Allah then follow me…}” [Surah Aal:Imran, 3:31]