An Unworthy Compromise

An Unworthy Compromise- Part 3

#An Inspired Tale

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Coffee is therapeutic! A short pause prevailed as we sipped the glory. Makes me wonder how life in this dunya would have been without so many mercies that we enjoy. What if the dunya was only full of tests and struggles? Alhamdulillah, for the blessings in which we seek joy. I waited for Aleena to enjoy her beverage before she continued.

– ” so where were we?”

-” you both exchanged photographs.”, I briefed.

-” hmmm, yeah. So he hinted that he was fine with the photographs and that we could seriously involve our parents into this. The next time I messaged him, he told me he was busy with an international convention and was representing his college. It was already a week, and he said he hasn’t heard from his mother yet. I, on this side, had already spoken to my family and they felt we were pretty much on the same page. Alhamdulillah, they decided to proceed with the matter.”

– ” so your father spoke to him? “, I asked

– ” ahaan, the second time I dropped a message he informed me that he is busy with exams and this kept repeating. I knew either he or his family were viewing my profile often, since his name showed in my profile’s ‘recently viewed’ list. Finally after a couple of weeks, my wali messaged him to proceed with the matter if it interests him as the matter has been stretching a bit too much!”

– “and what did he say?”

-” This was his reply-

    ‘  Wa alaikum assalaamu wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,

      Jazakallahu khayran for being patient with this. I happened to speak to my parents today and after great deliberation we thought its best to not proceed with this matter.
       I certainly think Aleena would make a great spouse and its really unfortunate that matters couldn’t proceed.

        I pray that Allah grants her the best match at the earliest.

     ~Aadil.‘ ”

With a crooked view, Aleena looked into my face. I say ‘into’, because she was trying to study the thoughts going behind it.

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I was in two minds after reading this message. At one place things seem to be going fine until he refused. The delay and postponement in replying did bring a hint of doubt but in the long run I thought it wasn’t a big deal. People say no for marriages right? For a while I thought all Aleena needs is counselling to accept this decision of his.

I put my hands on her’s and prepared myself to soothe her, “Aleena babe, it is always Allah’s decree. I agree things seemed to be going smoothly but you need to….”

– “Don’t you conclude Zobia.”, Aleena snapped ,” of course I was disappointed. You know in terms of dunya, audhubillah, he wasn’t a good looking person either. Of course, Allah has made all of us beautifully, and it is mankind who has limited beauty to tall, fair and slim. But only for the pleasure of Allah, I decided to carry on with the matter because I felt we could do great work in deen In Shaa Allah. However, this wouldn’t disturb me until a few weeks after his last message he sent me this message-

      ‘ As salamu alai kum Aleena, I hope this message finds you in great health and imaan. I understand that things didn’t work out and I only thought that I must explain my behaviour. My mother has worked very hard to bring me up and her opinion is very important to me in every aspect of my life. The girl I marry, I wish her to take good care of my mother and In Shaa Allah, my mother should like her. However, our thoughts in aspects of deen are very different. Alhamdulillah, we belong to a high profile society and she desires to have a daughter in law who is active with her in her social circles and fits well into it. From within, I don’t approve of this as I know it is a major clash between deen and dunya. However, I am her only son and I am indebted to her for all the love she has given me. May you find a pious spouse for yourself. Ameen. ‘ ”

I could see Aleena’s fist clench the phone as she read it out. I could see the big question on her face that why was he registered in matrimonyofdeen123 at all! Was he trying to find a combination of a woman who is into deen- dawah at day and then attends parties at night? Someone who wears niqab in the day and removes her hijab later? Alhamdulillah, we felt sad for Aadil. We felt sad that he claims to keep deen as priority but perhaps even he is not aware that unknowingly, life of dunya is what regulates his choice of a spouse.

People have made nikah so complicated and zina so easy! Audubillah. It is not rare where children of moderate Muslims are a lot more practising. Their beard, dressing choices, hijab and insistence of a halal lifestyle is not approved by their family. Audhubillah! It embarrasses them. It is surprising how people born into Muslim families find it embarrassing to follow the rules of Allah! Amongst innumerable hurdles that the youth faces in these scenario, choice of spouse is the most crucial one. I say so, because you are the one who has to live with your spouse and it is your deen that will get better or worse with your spouse. Subhanallah, it is disheartening to see parents compromising on the compatibility and happiness of their child for a few words of appreciation from the people of dunya. Why would anyone want their child to compromise akhirah for the dunya!

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It took me a few sessions to counsel the disheartened Aleena. The other side of the coin is that in such scenarios we need to have sabr and accept qadr. Indeed being rejected for materialism can be humiliating but doesn’t Allah say that Good men are for good women. Both of us were in consensus that being married in his house would have made practising deen difficult for her. Perhaps, Aadil feels too obliged to his mother that he did not take a stand to complete half his deen, how ever would he do justice between his wife and mother? Certain matters are best left to Allah. Alhamdulillah, indeed He is the best disposer of affairs! Indeed, Allah has better in store for her In Shaa Allah.

“But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.”

(Surah Al Baqarah, 2:216)

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The End.

Author’s note:

As salamu alai kum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh my family in Islam,
I hope you’ll enjoyed reading this and that this post benefits us, In Shaa Allah.
Honestly, I was very nervous about posting this one as the storyline was very ordinary and something which many experience very often. Alhamdulillah, I was glad with the response that it has got and I hope the ending stood up to your expectations.
I would like to thank a few people (all names changed). Firstly, Zobia, who with consent of Aleena shared the story as she thought it is important that the youth dealing with it knows about this issue. Next, I have to admit that I have the three best editors one could ever get. Each one of them thoroughly goes through every story of mine and their feedback is the reason why I get better and post better. (You can see obvious differences in what I wrote a year back to how I write today. Alhamdulillah, it is due to my these sisters). Jazakiallah khair for inspiring me and pushing me when I hit the writer’s block! Indeed all good is from Allah and all bad is from me.

And Jazakallah khair to you my dear reader. Every comment and every read means a lot to me.

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An Unworthy Compromise

An Unworthy Compromise- Part 2

#An Inspired Tale

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When Aleena told me his name, I realised I remotely knew him. I say remotely because of the mere existence of a common social circle. For the first time in my life was I hearing about a hundred per cent match. Why then, is Aleena so frustrated? I was sure the answer was coming.

– ” Zobia, we spoke for over a month almost. Of course my wali was constantly involved in the whole thing. We are both students of knowledge studying in the second year of Muslims’ University Online, both are studying Software engineering from Hyderabad University. Moreover, we shared a lot in common. Our interest in deen was same, Alhamdulillah he too was very practising and in fact to keep it halal we decided to not exchange photographs till we reached a degree of confidence about our compatibility for marriage. He was working on a dawah kit software project and he mentioned in his profile that he wishes his spouse to be a part of it. Surpringly, I am already working on it independently since the last six months.”

-“MashaAllah.”, everything seemed like a perfect tale. I was still wondering what part of it upsets her today. I let her continue uninterrupted.

-” You know what the most impressive thing in his profile was? He said,

“if I want a Khadijah (radiallahu anhu) for my wife, I must adapt the ways of the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam).”

Subhanallah! His thoughts were so profound. This, and so many other striking quotes to emphasize his love for deen and maturity.”

“And among His Signs is this that He created for you wives (spouses) from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for people who reflect.”

(Surah Ar-Rūm, 30:21)

She then showed me their conversation in the matrimonial website. Everything seemed simple, nice and halal. She asked him certain questions about his practices and beliefs, his answers Alhamdulillah were wise and perfect. He asked her a few things and she, is MashaAllah a righteous woman. I must admit, I was very impressed by such crisp and respectful conversation. More so because they were very serious about deen and their future ambitions with respect to dawah. I looked up staring blank at her face not know in where this was heading to. What next?

-” So my wali seemed very impressed with him and he too seemed pleased. Therefore, we decided to take it to the next level. With mutual consent, we agreed to permit each other to view our photographs.”

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It was a moment of suspense. The last thing I would hope for was they closing the conversation because of their looks. Aleena, for me was a dark beauty. Though slightly dusky in complexion, I have always found her features mesmerising. Her sophistication and wisdom quite added up to the charm. Aadil on the other hand, I remembered was fine as well. I wondered where the story was heading to.

-” after viewing the photographs, this is what he replied,

AsSalaamu alaikum, I will show your profile to my mother and let you know of updates. Meanwhile, if there are any updates from your end, please let me know.“. ”

SubhanAllah! That means he was pleased with the way she looked! It seemed to be the perfect story. Alhamdulillah, Aadil too was an average looking man but for people who strive for deen, appearances are but secondary. Aleena went on to tell me how before they shared their photographs, Aadil had mentioned that how deen was primary for him and then appearances. Subhanallah, and that’s what he had appreciated upon reading her profile.

And those who say, “Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.” (Surah Al Furqān, 25:74)

Now all of this brings me to square one. Why is Aleena upset? I called for a warm cup of coffee. It sure was going to be long conversation. I shrug myself and patiently look forward to what was going to come.

To be continued...

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An Unworthy Compromise

An Unworthy Compromise – Part 1

I was looking forward to meet Aleena that day. I was quite taken aback when she called me up yesterday seeking an appointment. She is my friend, she does not need an appointment to speak to me! She sounded low.

Aleena, is one sister I admire a lot. An educated, bright young muslimah. She was everything you would like to see in a practising muslimah. Well read, striving to gather knowledge, humble, soft spoken, sophisticated and kind. There is a passion she holds for the deen which is hard to describe. It is like a fire within her to work actively for the betterment of Islam. It is hard to let someone like that down. I sure was waiting for her.

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Oh, I am Zobia. A behaviour therapist cum counsellor by the will of Allah (subhana wa ta’aala). They say not everything that glitters is gold. How often do we see in life this thing coming true. Indeed there lies perfection in Tawheed, and how imperfect and fragile this dunya is.

Everything is a lesson (if you take so), every passing cloud, every sign of nature, every dark night and every flowing stream. Life is a school in itself if one observes. Yet another lesson was learnt in the very small passing event, which is like something which many people go through on daily basis. However, it’s an eye opener only if one ponders! I experienced it once again like all the times by the Grace of Allah (subhana wa ta’aala).

And whomsoever Allah guides, there is none that can mislead him.” ( Surah Az Zumar , 39:37)

Aleena was on time, Alhamdulillah. It had been months that I had met her. My profession keeps me busy. There is hardly a day that I have enough time to socialise. Alhamdulillah, for small mercies like WhatsApp and Facebook that I am able to keep the little touch that I do with my friends. She seems to have lost some weight. I could trace a hint of frustration on her face. I remember that she had begun to look for suitable grooms for herself to complete half the deen. I assumed it was perhaps with respect to that, though I hoped for the best.

We greeted each other and settled down. After a brief conversation to comfort her, the conversation drifted to the issue. What was disturbing her?

– You are aware that I was looking for a spouse, right?

– ahan, yes. Is it related to the issue?

– hmmm, yes. The last couple of weeks have consumed me completely. All I feel is despair and distress. I do not know why I am so affected.

– what happened? Tell me

– I made an account in matrimonyfordeen123.com and I came across a guy- Aadil. You know Zobia, the matrimonial website is exclusively for Muslims and it claims to be the haven of only those who take the deen seriously. Alhamdulillah, we find many practising brothers and sisters having put up their profiles there seeking alliance. Needless to say, I too was looking for someone practising. When I enlisted the things I wanted in my potential spouse, I was advised by my wali that we shall never find someone having 100% qualities that we want. Therefore, if we find someone 60% of what we are looking for, In Shaa Allah, we must seek to go ahead with the matter. But Zobia, what happened with me was miraculous. This boy, Aadil, was 100% of what I wanted. When I read through his profile, I was so stunned. It was as if he made it keeping me in his mind. It was a perfect match from a third eye…

To be continued…

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#AN INSPIRED TALE #

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