Excerpts from my life

Feminism and the Growth of Liberal Ideology in Muslims

Muslims are obliged to understand and practice Islam as per the understanding of the Salafs (Qur’an, 2:137). The Sahabas are learnt Qur’an directly from the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam). Their understanding is therefore the purest and perfect. The prime cause of liberalisation of western Muslims is apathy towards the doctrines of Islam based on this understanding of Sahabas.

Abandoning this methodology has led to confusions and misconceptions; which eventually led to deviating from Sirat al-Mustaqeem. The expansion of misinterpretation of Islam led to seeping in of many Modernist trends all over the globe. We started seeing ‘Muslim reformers’ demanding ‘progressive’ interpretation of Islamic values. This led to inflow of various ideologies in Islam such as “gender friendly Islam”, “humane Islam”, “liberal Islam” etc. Soon these reformers were discussing liberalisation of individuals that reflected an apathy for Islam and Muslims, oppression of Muslim women, human rights for deprived Muslims and the need for good-governance in Muslim nations. The reformers were self-acclaimed champions to liberate everyone who felt oppressed by the “aggressive” interpretation of Islam. (Kayum, S.A)

With this begun the journey of liberalisation of Muslims in the West. The first things that contributed to this, was the straying from the path of salaf-us-saliheen. Every reason that follows actually branches out from this root. The shortage of people of knowledge as the Last Day approaches was prophesized by Our Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam). The people will then take the ignorant as their leaders. [Bukhari & Muslim]. Holding on to the deen has gradually progressed to be like holding hot coal and this too was prophesized.[Tirmidhi] Especially in the west, where we see such “liberal” outlook amongst the Kuffar, practising Islam on the correct methodology is possible only in whose heart lies the strong backup of imaan billah and knowledge of religion.

One such major wave that has swept the Muslims is the wave of Feminism. The rights and honour given to a mominah has been mocked over and over. Honoring a woman’s modesty by way of hijab, injunctions regarding mosque and her responsibilities of home have been demeaned by tagging them oppressive. (Kayum). The call of feminists calling women to intermixing of sexes, zina, and all other forms of corruption is actually what oppresses women. Not only is her modesty compromised, this has caused the weakening of a Islamic family structure where division of responsibility along with respect to mutual rights and duties is promoted. It puts her under the burden of equal responsibilities as males whereas Allah has allotted different responsibility upon men and women and has commanded us to not covet what He has given to some in preference over others. (Qur’an, 4:32-34). Never has the primary duty of guarding the household been considered a hindrance if she wants to earn wealth, educate herself and hold public offices as per shar’ia limitations. In fact, even men have been appreciated to uphold sunnah of helping in household chores. (Bukhari).

The modernists, including feminists, consider Aql and desires over revelation (Naql). The roots of feminism originate from patriarchy where the male was given supremacy over women and children. There was control of men over a disproportionately large share of power. In this system men used their authority largely to oppress and exploit them which is clearly indicated in verses 58 to 59 of Surah An-Nahl. Women were placed as objects instead of subjects and were not given any decision making power. There was male violence, sexual assaults and wife battering to keep women subservient in home and public. (Maggie, 1995)

Feminism was a reactionary movement which rose in the west against patriarchy. It aimed at achieving social, economic, personal and political equality of sexes. The modern feminist movement was spread across the 19th and 20th century comprising of women’s suffrage movements. In the 1960s begun the women’s liberation movement to gain legal and social equality. (Hakesworth, 2006) (Chris, 1999)

From the above we realise that when in the patriarchal structure women were deprived of basic human rights such as right to inherit, right of guardianship, right to education etc., feminism was a movement that rose to grant them these. It aimed at a structuring a society of women independent from he control of the oppressive man. This in itself is a loud reason for Muslims to understand that feminism does not liberate women. Rather, Islam has always advocated and protected a woman’s right to be honored and her dignity to be protected.

This movement started making women feel liberated as women started delaying marriage to retain their identities- a right ensured to Muslim women much earlier emphasizing their right to keep their maiden name always. It undermines the value of ethical child rearing causing an epidemic of bad kids. We see a rise in zina, abortions as well as illegitimate children. It can be owed to the patriarchal culture, especially in Asian nations, due to which feminism found quick acceptability in Muslimahs who saw it as a key to attain freedom, respect and appreciation.

Allah has made women the twin halves of men. (Abu Dawud, 216). The purpose of creating different genders is to perpetuating human race and to create love and mercy and stability in homes. (Qur’an) Men and women are perfect creations of Allah. They derive their mutual rights and duties from His commands. They are meant to mutually live with each other as garments to each other. (Qur’an 2:187).

Allah has set up basic crux of family and commands us to give the due right to every person- male or female. Severing relationships is equated with mischief. (Qur’an 47:22, 17:26). It is obvious that Islamic Feminists, lack knowledge and faith on these commandments.

Feminism defies the covenant of marriage by bringing in some unproductive and unnatural arrangements that we witness these days. There is no scope to make good arrangements for children that come in this scenario, nor is there any consideration for old parents which Islam provides.(Qur’an 17:23). We see the Modernist scholars addressing the freedom of the young woman but it skips the nurturing of female children and old women. These protectors of Muslimahs have used all means to misinterpret verses of Qur’an, use weak ahadeeths and even reject hadiths to develop an islam that suits their need.

Safeguarding the institution of family and maintaining the legitimacy of offspring is most important for morally upright and corruption free society in Islam. A husband is shepherd (guardian) of his flock (family); and a woman of her husband’s home and is responsible for it. (Bukharee, 853). The allocation of intergender rights and duties in islam is based on principle of justice and pragmatism (Qur’an, 16:90, 2:228). Man is placed as protector and maintainer wherein woman’s primary responsibility is placed as motherhood. (Qur’an) Sisters need to understand that in the name of equality, feminism expects unnatural responsibilities from men and women. Whereas Islam truly presents the workable gender justice.


BIBLIOGRAPHY
Al- Qur’an

http://www.Sunnah.com for Saheeh Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, Abu Dawood, Tirmidhi

Hawkesworth, Mary E. (2006), Globalisation and Feminist Activism, Rowman & Litllefield. pp. 25-27.

Chris (1999), What is Feminism?, New York: Sage, pp. 3-11

Humm, Maggie (1995), The Dictionary of Feminist Theory, Columbus: Ohio State University Press, p.251

Walker, Rebecca (January -February 1992), Becoming the Third Wave, Ms.: 39-41

Kayum. Sajid A., (2011), A Critical Analysis of Modernists and Hajith Rejectors, QSEP Publishers

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Qur’an is a Mercy for Mankind…

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I feel sorry to see the hate that has engulfed my country. There has recently been riots in Pune and it is disheartening. Something as simple as a YouTube channel voicing his opinion on democracy, politics or communities is followed by such derogatory shame messages that it stirs the soul. I wonder how easy could it be to type filthy words for a fellow human. Or even worse, how easy is it to consider that an entire community should be wiped off just because of some personal grudge one has for no apparent reason.

 

Where does all of it stem from? And no, it is not only agaist Muslims. I remain aghast when I see people having muslim names retaliating with equal filth. What are we moving towards? In a world of progressiveness and modernity we are developing a gutt full of disgust. Just because we have the access to voice our opinion, we use this opportunity to only waste humanity.

 

Surprisingly, even the educated and urban Indian thrive on this. What we do not realise that a basic civilian would rather live in peace. Irrespective of his religion, he would choose to have a good rapport with his neighbour or none at all. But certainly, one would not by thirsty for his neighbors blood. One would actually wonder, how the seeds of this hatred was planted in the hearts of people. What did I, as a Muslim, do anything that the other questions my very existence on earth? But is it about just you and me in the first place? If I look immediately around me, everything seems great. Somehow, the India of the media and the India around me do not tally. It confuses me about what undercurrent is being built.

 

Just yesterday I was reading the History of Islam by Najeebabadi. I am perhaps halfway through the first volume. The struggle that Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) went through to bring the message of Islam is overwhelming. It is so tough to even imagine the being of Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wasallam). His wisdom, taqwa (god consciousness), tawakkul (faith of God) and sabr (patience) makes my heart clench. Every chapter of the book has choked me and made me realise how I have failed to be a good Muslim in the first place.

 

Definitely, I chose my religion based upon everything it stands for but did I stand up to what it expects of me.

 

So, this brings me to the most important question to us. We can sit and lament over the crisis Muslims face on earth today. We can frown and debate on how Muslims are oppressed. But, are we good Muslims in the first place?

 

I feel sorry for those who type with such hatred against Islam. So much hate against Allah, The Qur’an and our Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam). Those poor fellows have lost the opportunity to know the God who created him. The God who gave him the very fingers with which he types filth. The God who gave him the mind which he uses to plot against His religion. That man, who points at the character of Muhammad (), he never got a chance to read these books to know him. Because if he did, it would shake him.

 

It is hard for someone who reads the Qur’an to not accept Islam as the true religion. It is absolutely mind boggling and soul stirring. The verses scream that they are divine. And honestly, the phase when you realise that you are on the wrong side of the stream, it is disturbing. It crumples your heart. Perhaps it is the realisation to let go all the wordly falsehood that we have been holding on to. When your soul realises that there is more reward in inert goodness.

 

I am often asked why I shifted my faith. Most of those who ask never really want to understand. Not their fault. We rarely want to understand things from someone else’s vision. We want him to explain it from the way we see ‘how life should be lived’. Though now India is coming into terms with people choosing their own spouse, own clothes and parents not having to make these choices for them, yet the same line of thought is missing when it comes to faith. Wherein, it is as much of a choice like everything else.

 

The desire to want to adhere to a religion that speaks of pure monotheism is frowned upon. As if this desire is not a desire like any other. Its the heart and it may want anything. Immediately, I am asked why I could not find monotheism in my birth religion, or some other religion. Many try to show the monotheistic aspect of their faith. Or even better, why could I not just worship without any religion and choose to be a good human.

 

Firstly, these questions never crossed my mind when Islam was impressing me with no other. I could not find a religious text as simple as the Qur’an and I could not find a description of God as perfect as Qur’an explains it. Here is just one of the many descriptions in the Qur’an:

Allah – there is no deity except Him, the Ever-Living, the Sustainer of [all] existence. Neither drowsiness overtakes Him nor sleep. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. Who is it that can intercede with Him except by His permission? He knows what is [presently] before them and what will be after them, and they encompass not a thing of His knowledge except for what He wills. His Kursi extends over the heavens and the earth, and their preservation tires Him not. And He is the Most High, the Most Great. (Qur’an 2:255)

 

How perfect is this? A flawless God is what I would like to believe there is. How can God be someone who is weak with human flaws? The Creator, Owner and Controller of everything that He has created. Islam places The Creator distinct from His creation. He does not reside in His creation, He does not contain His creation, nor is present amidst His creation, nor is He anything like His creation. He is above His creation. Omnipresent by virtue of His knowledge. He is THE ONE under whom everyone is.

 

Allah actually translates to The God in English. Unlike the misconception that He is the God of Muslims, the Qur’an actually clarifies that Allah is The God of Mankind. He did not just create the Muslims but even every other human and non-human.( Qur’an 2:21)  In fact, the Qur’an tells us that it is for all of mankind. Not just for Muslims.(Qur’an 31:3) Muhammad (salallahu alayhi wasallam) was sent as a mercy for mankind.( Qur’an, 21: 107)  Imagine those who allegate him of being murderous without having read a page of his biography.  Islam gave me the easy way to connect to God. And this path, was my choice to connect with Allah. It gave me the smallest ways I could please Allah and how easy was it to know that He is pleased with you.

 

The sad thing is today is that Muslims themselves do not read it. Copies of Quran lie in their shelves in the arabic language. Most never bothered to open and read the translations to understand what message lies in it. Why are they Muslims in the first place? As usual, they did not make the choice to be a Muslim. They’re just there because their forefathers were there too. A small consequence of this ignorance we see in the triple talaq chaos in the nation! Some Muslim women here are unhappy with the triple talaq bill! How ignorant can we be? All those who unhappy with it are perhaps those whose wives and daughter-in-laws will benefit from this bill.

 

And then the self-acclaimed guardians of Allah’s deen on social media who protect Islam by replying back with equal filth to the attackers of Islam. I am sure those few are not even here to read my page. Nevertheless, Allah’s religion does not need any explanation or soliders to defend it. The words in the Quran are self explanatory of its perfection and goodness. The slanderers of Islam will pick and choose verses out of context to defame it but the wise holders of modern outlook should show wisdom in reading the religion before holding grudge against it.

 

And you, O Muslim, read the religion and allow it to shape you. Know what your Maker expects of you. It’ll change you as a person. Those who know me might frown with hundreds of my flaws flashing before their eyes claiming that they do not see any change in me. Well, to that,

“Every son of Adam sins. But the best of them is he who repents” (at-Tirmidhi)

 

A Muslim’s perfection does not lie in not making mistakes ever. The perfection lies in reflecting upon your flaws, holding a conscience that nags you at every wrong you do, fearing Allah that He knows what you did and making sincere repentance to avoid accountability for it and lastly, trying to make up for every wrong that you do. If we nurture our sins and egos despite knowing them, it reflects lack of taqwa. Worse, is if we do not realise our sins in the first place. That reflects lack of knowledge (ilm).

 

So, let’s work on our souls. For those who hate Islam, harboring hatred will do no good. Any form of violence (verbal or physical) never hurts one party solely. It will cause an equal to the hater and the hated. It is really not feasible that an entire community is filthy, aggressive, inhuman, blood drinkers and murderous. They were born human with the same basic instincts as you after all! The One who created you also created them. If there were different Gods, the design would definitely vary! For Muslims, let us work on spreading awareness about Islam. And the first sample that the people around you see is You! Very few will actually want to see the book of the Allah unless you tell them what you have imbibed from it. It is huge responsibility on our shoulders. Why? Because everyone deserves to receive guidance and mercy that I did from the Qur’an.

 

May you O Reader feel the Mercy of Allah in your heart. He is the Source of Love and He is The Source of Peace.

 

“Indeed this Qur’an guides to the path which is clearer and straighter than any other” (Qur’an 17:9)

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Excerpts from my life

Whatsapp Challenge

I am certain that many bloggers must have gone through this. You get an idea to write about, you think you will eventually but as time passes you pass it off and the idea never sees the light of being a script.

Been very commonly into this of late. As much as I love to write and communicate my emotions through my fingers, I have been a victim of a huge fitnah since the past few years- The WhatsApp.

No matter how much i claim that if used properly it can be a blessing. And that I share religious knowledge, or I read motivating things about Islam; the raw truth is that is does more harm to me than good. Indeed, 20% of its usage is for sake of Allah but 80% is the deception of shaytaan. We tend to chat a lot more, discuss things that do no good, are less productive, sometimes we put aside important work because we feel its rude to not reply to a salam out there, and sometimes this unproductivity makes you slightly depressed of having to do nothing in life!

This, cannot be the state of affairs of a Muslimah.

Imaam Ibn ul Qayyim (rahimahullaah) stated:”Time wasting is more serious than death because time wasting cuts you off from Allaah and the home of the afterlife, whereas death cuts you off from the worldly life and its people.’’
[Source: Al-Fawaaid…page 59]

All those resolutions to regulate time for whatsapp usage and other errands have miserably failed. So finally, I DELETED IT. It was hard. My nafs was giving me hundred reasons why it is so important but you just know that there was life without it once upon a time. And guess what, a very productive life it was indeed.

As shaykh Uthaymeen states-

Time is more precious than wealth,

as Allaah – the Most Blessed, the Most High – said:

“Until when death comes to him, he says: O my Lord! Give me respite so that I may then do righteous actions.” [Soorah al-Baqarah 2:333].

Time is such that when it departs it does not return, whereas wealth, when it departs, then it is possible to replace it.

[Source: Al-Istiqaamah Magazine , Issue No.5 – Ramadân 1417H / January 1997]

This is yet another tiny attempt and In sha Allah I will be able to get rid of my addiction. Perhaps writing about it will keep me inspired.

Let me know if you have been through this struggle and how you dealt with it. Anyone joining me in this challenge?



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Settling

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

muslim-woman-praying

It is almost a month from my previous post. As I reflect upon it and my state of mind whilst I was writing it,  I recall the gloominess around me. Alhamdulillah, how beautifully my Rabb looked after all my affairs.

I appeared for my exam last week and Alhamdulillah I cleared my Arabic test too. I remember being very tensed until I completed the paper. So much that I was not even certain to pass.  It was purely Allah’s mercy.

Alhamdulillah, I also managed to knock the door of my nearest neighbor one fine day. They lady who greeted me was a warm woman with an adorable toddler who could not stop laughing when I held him. There are four more doors I intend to knock this week In Sha Allah.

I’ve started to find ease in watching the sunsets and the trains the pass make me laugh when my voice sinks in their loud horns. I wake up to bright mornings with mild rays seeping right through the window on my sheets. Just how ideal could it be. The weather is always pleasant and the breeze oh so soothing! The squirrel by my window is pregnant, so I am expecting a flourishing squirrel family there soon.

The calmness has begun to settle within me.

By the mercy of Allah subhana wa ta’ala, I mingled with the Muslimahs here and managed to start a weekly study circle to ponder over the Qur’an. Knowing these girls has again showed me a bare aspect of the Muslim society. Our youth is not guided at all. It is not that they are not interested about their religion. It is wrong to blame that they are heedless. The fact is that nobody told them. I wonder what makes parents do this to their daughters. Perhaps nobody told them too.

There is an absolute dearth of knowledge about Islam in Muslims. What do we expect from the world then? If we are humiliated all over the world, whose fault is it? When we never bothered to know our Rabb and His Book, why do expect His Mercy to befall upon us. The situation is scary. I am at a place where girls join college wearing complete hijab, but after a few months drop it down due to some unknown reason. What could it be?

  1. Lack of knowledge: This is the root of all other reasons. When in the first place we do not know why we do certain things in Islam. It applies to everything we do- sawm, salah, sadaqah, service to people, being kind etc. Not just hijab. When the reason behind any act of worship is social conditioning, family values, parental instructions, or anything other than a heart attached to Allah, it will crash down the moment the reason crashes.
    Therefore, once the society, family or parental supervision is shoved aside, the hijab is also gone. Only a heart that worships out of taqwa of Allah azza wajal will continue to do it until it knows Allah is watching- Eternally.

  2. Lack of confidence: Yes, this is a major reason why most Muslim youth (sadly) does not want to look Muslim externally. It has been so tabooed in the media that a beard and hijab or a Muslim praying in public is often prejudiced to be incompetent or socially inferior. In such a scenario, it needs a lot of courage to prove your mettle in that attire. You have to be extremely good in what you do and at the same time “know” why you do it to answer a hundred questions (or comments) posed at you on Islam. These questions can range from genuine curiosity to being hurtful and discriminatory. Not knowing the answers might leave you humiliated and dumbfound, as well as a negative impact on the opposite person. Needless to say, it will also be a lost opportunity to serve information about Islam to the masses and make them ponder over it.
  3. Hostile environment: Yes, though most of the times the reasons of why we do not practise Islam openly is our own imagination of “what people will think or do” or inferiority complexes, sometimes the hostility does push the ones with a soft heart. The warden of the hostel has no issues with the girls going outside the campus with males or unknown men. She has no tab on girls secretly visiting the boys hostel or openly romancing in the lawns of the campus. But, she has a special tab on this set of girls when they adorn the hijab to attend the Tafseer sessions at my home. She suddenly remembers some alien rules of students not allowed to visit faculty homes. Not only the warden, even the authorities here (surprisingly with majority Muslims in the administration) have kept trousers and shirts as uniform for girls. I am not a moral police. But in India, uniforms in colleges is seriously not the trend. Why can there not be freedom of clothing? Why is freedom of clothing only expressed when females want to adorn western clothing or minimalistic clothing? Is wearing a hijab, abaya, salwar kameez, or scarf not a matter of choice too?

At this moment, gaining authentic and clean knowledge seems the only way.. Until we truly know what it means to be a Muslim, we will never feel confident to practise and speak about Islam. It is the religion of the Lord of Mankind! The Maker , The creator, the Fashioner of everything that exists of this Earth.

Look around and see His signs. Understand His Mercy. Feel His blessings in your own life. Know His Book- The Qur’an. Contemplate at the beauty of the verses. What is it that is expected from us as Humans- the beings with free will. Shall we destroy our own dunya, waste this time here and be doomed forever? Is there really no ultimate purpose our existence? Ponder.. for indeed He has given us his Ayahs (verses, evidences and signs) to ponder…

May Allah ease the affairs of the Ummah and increase us in knowledge and imaan.

114:1

قُلْ أَعُوذُ بِرَبِّ النَّاسِ –

Say, “I seek refuge in the Lord of mankind,

114:2

 

مَلِكِ النَّاسِ –

The Sovereign of mankind.

The God of mankind,
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New Place

Five days back husband and I moved to a new place.  We are putting up in the college campus.  The place is beautiful with lush green corn fields all around. There is a small village outside the campus.

The house is a tiny apartment, one side of it overlooking the fields and the other side faces the campus. The railway line is so close to my apartment that I can feel my bed rocking when a train passes. Early in the morning the horn of the train gives me palpitations at times. Takes a while to soothe my nerves.

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Train through the fields

 

One strange thing I experienced after moving was relocation depression. Perhaps I am still overcoming it. I do not exactly know why this happened. It was certainly not due to my attachment to the old house, nor was it due to the sudden dearth of my social life. In fact, more often than not I spent a lot of time indoors even in my previous home. I sort of like the new house. It is a lot like how I like homes to be- Compact, serene, airy, huge windows, away from hustle bustle and more of a settled life. Sometimes I find myself overwhelmed with ‘setting up the home’ work. So much that I just let the things be. I am yet to even start unpacking things.

The worst time is immediately in the morning when husband leaves for work. For a while I do not know what to do. Though there is a lot to do, I simply end up sitting at some corner and killing time till he comes back. Mostly on the internet. As, I am writing this, I am realising the solution lies in getting up and doing ask the tasks one by one. I have exams coming up after two weeks and I am supposed study. I am terrified of Arabic. I keep forgetting what I learnt for my previous exams since  I do not have anyone to speak in Arabic and practise my lessons. I have been running away from it.

There are also times I think I should ring my neighbor’s doorbell. But there is certain hesitation I feel. What if she is not all that welcoming and warm? My previous neighbours were awesome. I remember, the day I moved in, they were all so warm and came home to greet me.

I try to counsel myself. I count my blessings. There are many things to be grateful for. I am certain I am amongst the blessed ones in this dunya.

I have a roof over my head. I am in a place that is peaceful and safe, so that I can practise my religion freely

I am allowed to study after marriage which is still rare in India. I have exams to appear, which is the easiest thing to do on planet. Yes, I feel studying is the easiest thing one can do. Taking up responsibilities and handling real tensions is so tough.

There are no daily targets and pressures to do anything. Alhamdulillah, I am still connected to some good muslimahs via Whatsapp

Every day I watch the fields at Maghreb and sunset looks gorgeous. Something like this-

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The sun literally drowns in the corn fields. The view is breathtaking

There is a village outside the campus and the villagers tend cattle. Alhamdulillah, for the first time we came across a man selling goat’s milk. Husband and I decided to try it out for a change and it was yummy.

The place is good with certain amenities like gymnasium. Though not very well equipped, but In Sha Allah I intend to join it.

There is a squirrel’s nest on my kitchen window. So early in the morning after fajr I watch them clean themselves and leave their nests only to come back at Asr. I am amazed by their strict schedule. There is some movement in their nest until early Maghreb after which they goto rest. Were we meant to follow the same routine? Husband and I are usually up until very late. Perhaps until 1am or 2 at times.

In the evenings, we can often hear peacocks and parrots chirping 🙂 I am blessed with a lot of beauty around me. Evenings are more relaxed as the day comes to an end.

I downloaded my study modules today. Tomorrow In Sha Allah I must start studying and perhaps unpack one box. I need to meet my neighbour too and figure out how to start some Deen activities here for Muslimahs.

Hopefully, I can start making my days more productive. In Sha Allah

How do you deal with relocating? Ever been through relocation depression? Comment below and share your thoughts

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Marriage Market

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

The wedding trends these days are disturbing. I live in a city dominated by Muslim population. However, extravagant weddings are not a rare sight. Often, during the “wedding season”, we find decorated wedding lawns, burstling with crowd and loud music. More to dismay, we find bearded men and abaya cladded women walking in and out of the premises.

 “If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption” [At-Tirmidhee (1085)]

It is common that we are told by mothers and sisters to update them if we have a suitable match in sight. On a personal level, I do not mind and often I do exchange references of good muslims. In many cases, it is surprising, that people reject profiles merely by seeing the picture. The deen and character is not even enquired or considered. A fat, dark, poor and short person will stand no chance, no matter how good her/ his character is.

 

There is this one mother, who has demanded that she wants only a doctor or an engineer from IIT for her daughter. That is because her daughter deserves no less. She is the topper of her department, she is beautiful and from a good background. So, these are the factors which make her a top class girl (not her deen) and a deserving candidate for a top class boy (not deeni boy)

It is disheartening. Is it just a textual thing today? To look for a spouse based on deen? Religious people are not considered “worthy” at all. I wonder what Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) saw in Ali (radiallahu anhu) to marry off his daughter to him. Perhaps people of this age would prefer an Abu Lahab.

The story of practising people is no different. Practising brothers reject sisters profile because their mothers did not find them pretty enough. or because their mothers want them to marry in same caste (reverts are a banned commodity). When will we learn to take a stand for haqq?

 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

If they (parents) say to him: Do not eat this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat a certain thing – and it is something that he wants to eat – then he is not obliged to obey them in that, because it does not serve any interest for them, and it is harmful for him because it causes him to miss out on something that he likes.

End quote from Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh (49/6)

It still amazes me with what ease people leave pious people with the knowledge that they are rare. The criteria of being a good muslim today is one who prays five times a day. Anyone who does just that is considered super practising. His aqeedah, his ‘Ilm, Sunnah, ‘Adab and ‘Akhlaq are irrelevant. We watch Televisions, listen to music, lie with ease, clean shave ourselves, keep our women without hijab and then we pray. Therefore, we are very practising

 

On the other hand I have had religious and pious sisters reject pious brother because the brother earned less than “xyz”lakh per annum. They have a minimum slab which males have to cross. Allow me to clarify that I do not expect rich girls to marry someone bankrupt. But rejecting young educated men who have begun their careers a few years back and In Sha Allah seem worthy to make more money in future, I find it futile. Females are seeking in their grooms status which their fathers achieved at 50 years of age. Even in these cases, if the girls are fine with it, many a times parents are not.

Other than that, of course we see people rejecting each other because he is too fat, he is too short, beard is too long, she is too skinny, her nose is too big, she is too educated, she does not speak fluent English, she is not fit for our family etc.

He does not have a beard, he does not wear pants above ankles, she has not memorised enough surahs, he does not pray Sunnah, his income is haram, she does not proper hijab as Allah says, he does not lower his gaze.. these are never reasons I have heard for rejecting anyone. Rather such prospects are picked first from the market

What is wrong with the ummah? Why are we forgetting the story of Musab bin Umayr. How he withstood the pressure of his family for haqq..  It is never easy to choose Islam over everything else .There will be many occasions that will require us to compromise a bit on deen to please others. First society and then parents. Sadly, when it comes to marriage we consider their wrong preferences over the pleasure of Allah.

 

The result?

 

“…….If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption

As warned in the above hadith, Muslims today are frivolously looking at profiles after profiles as if searching for a car for their children. Just how people unaware of Islam and who do not recognise Allah search- based on looks, background and status. After this, if the prospect is religious then Ma Sha Allah, Alhamdulillah. How many religious muslims do we see today marrying the first religious alliance that comes across? Okay, let us give a concession. How many marry from amongst the first five?

Young muslims are unmarried until thirties and forties. Bad marriages have become so common. Women are reduced to maids and nannys whilst men are reduced to money minting machine. People no more exist as servants of Allah post marriage. No time for religion. No time to gain ‘ilm. No time to do any good for the ummah. A monotonous system that has been framed by the society and thus, being abided by.

Zina has become easy. Nikah has become so difficult.

Recently, the mother of an eighteen year old messaged me that she is worried for her son. He is about to join college this fall and she is worried what if he falls into any fitnah. At a time when there is open invitation for zina, it is a genuine concern. We discussed giving books and talking it out etc. When I mentioned this to my husband, his immediate response was, ask her to get him married before joining college.

I was amazed at the simplicity of the solution. Why not open doors to nikah and shut the door to zina for our youngsters forever. I told this to her, she agreed Islam is perfect in all ways. However, I am not sure how many of us would like to implement this for our children,

We have forgotten the main purpose of this Sunnah. We forget that we are choosing a companion whose character greatly affects our life in hereafter. We forget what being “coolness of eyes” means. That is where we make the major mistake for the next few decades of our lives and sometimes there is no turning back.

May Allah give us hearts to obey his commands. May He give us beneficial knowledge and keep us on siratal mustaqeem. May He help us obey Him and love Him the most. May He protect us from the fitnah of this world and make our spouse the coolness of our eyes.

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Excerpts from my life

A Lot of Water in my Broth

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

It was one of the Friday classes. Today’s class was on ‘Adab (Etiquettes) with neighbours. The average age group in the class is perhaps five. The class was vibrant and I think, there is no better way to learn than to teach. More than what I am able to impart, I imbibe lessons from the little Momins of the class.

I introduced the lesson with the verse of the Magnificent Qur’an:
“Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good, and to relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor, the neighbor farther away, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are self-deluding and boastful.” [Surah an-Nisa, 36]

 

and then, I followed up with this narration from the two Sahihs.

 

Screenshot (35)

 

In a very derogatory sense, I asked the class

-“if your neighbour gives you a hoof will you like it?”

I was expecting a clear “no” to which I thought I would say that despite that we must not dislike our neighbor. No matter how small or detested things they gift us

However, their minds word differently. It was an immediate and excited reply, “Yesss ma’am, I will like it”

I was spellbound for a minute, only to realise that in India, the goat’s hoof is used to prepare a delicacy (called Paaya_) …who would not love to receive it here. I chuckled at myself. They got me good

 

The class proceeded smoothly as we ventured and discussed various etiquettes prescribed in Islam towards our neighbours. Soon the following hadith came up for discussion, which is also very popular amongst us

 

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We were amused by the simplicity prescribed in Islam. Never before had we thought that simply by adding a little more water, we could add another member to consume the meal

The most hilarious point of the class was towards the end. I had asked them, what if they have very little food, sufficient for just one neighbour. However, there are many people living close to them. So how would they choose to whom they must gift that bowl of meal?

Amazing answers came up.

  • we will distribute it equally amongst all [ I dismissed it saying, then nobody will be able to enjoy it, as they will just get a spoonful]
  • We will ask mummy to make more for everyone [well, that would be too much for mummy]
  • We add lottttttttttt of water to the brothhhhh ..

at this point everyone seemed convinced. and they repeated the same , “yes yes, we will add water for everyone”

. I was spellbound again. I had no rebuttal for this. Completely amused and not knowing what to say, I just narrated the solution that Rusool Allah (salallahu alayhi wasallam):

 

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May Allah help us in obeying His commands and be good to our neighbours.

 

 

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