Excerpts from my life

Marriage Market

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

The wedding trends these days are disturbing. I live in a city dominated by Muslim population. However, extravagant weddings are not a rare sight. Often, during the “wedding season”, we find decorated wedding lawns, burstling with crowd and loud music. More to dismay, we find bearded men and abaya cladded women walking in and out of the premises.

 “If someone should come to you whose religion and character you are pleased with, marry (your daughter) off to him. If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption” [At-Tirmidhee (1085)]

It is common that we are told by mothers and sisters to update them if we have a suitable match in sight. On a personal level, I do not mind and often I do exchange references of good muslims. In many cases, it is surprising, that people reject profiles merely by seeing the picture. The deen and character is not even enquired or considered. A fat, dark, poor and short person will stand no chance, no matter how good her/ his character is.

 

There is this one mother, who has demanded that she wants only a doctor or an engineer from IIT for her daughter. That is because her daughter deserves no less. She is the topper of her department, she is beautiful and from a good background. So, these are the factors which make her a top class girl (not her deen) and a deserving candidate for a top class boy (not deeni boy)

It is disheartening. Is it just a textual thing today? To look for a spouse based on deen? Religious people are not considered “worthy” at all. I wonder what Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) saw in Ali (radiallahu anhu) to marry off his daughter to him. Perhaps people of this age would prefer an Abu Lahab.

The story of practising people is no different. Practising brothers reject sisters profile because their mothers did not find them pretty enough. or because their mothers want them to marry in same caste (reverts are a banned commodity). When will we learn to take a stand for haqq?

 

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen (may Allah have mercy on him) said:

If they (parents) say to him: Do not eat this food, do not eat meat, do not eat rice, do not eat a certain thing – and it is something that he wants to eat – then he is not obliged to obey them in that, because it does not serve any interest for them, and it is harmful for him because it causes him to miss out on something that he likes.

End quote from Liqa’ al-Baab al-Maftooh (49/6)

It still amazes me with what ease people leave pious people with the knowledge that they are rare. The criteria of being a good muslim today is one who prays five times a day. Anyone who does just that is considered super practising. His aqeedah, his ‘Ilm, Sunnah, ‘Adab and ‘Akhlaq are irrelevant. We watch Televisions, listen to music, lie with ease, clean shave ourselves, keep our women without hijab and then we pray. Therefore, we are very practising

 

On the other hand I have had religious and pious sisters reject pious brother because the brother earned less than “xyz”lakh per annum. They have a minimum slab which males have to cross. Allow me to clarify that I do not expect rich girls to marry someone bankrupt. But rejecting young educated men who have begun their careers a few years back and In Sha Allah seem worthy to make more money in future, I find it futile. Females are seeking in their grooms status which their fathers achieved at 50 years of age. Even in these cases, if the girls are fine with it, many a times parents are not.

Other than that, of course we see people rejecting each other because he is too fat, he is too short, beard is too long, she is too skinny, her nose is too big, she is too educated, she does not speak fluent English, she is not fit for our family etc.

He does not have a beard, he does not wear pants above ankles, she has not memorised enough surahs, he does not pray Sunnah, his income is haram, she does not proper hijab as Allah says, he does not lower his gaze.. these are never reasons I have heard for rejecting anyone. Rather such prospects are picked first from the market

What is wrong with the ummah? Why are we forgetting the story of Musab bin Umayr. How he withstood the pressure of his family for haqq..  It is never easy to choose Islam over everything else .There will be many occasions that will require us to compromise a bit on deen to please others. First society and then parents. Sadly, when it comes to marriage we consider their wrong preferences over the pleasure of Allah.

 

The result?

 

“…….If you do not do so, there will be mischief in the land and widespread corruption

As warned in the above hadith, Muslims today are frivolously looking at profiles after profiles as if searching for a car for their children. Just how people unaware of Islam and who do not recognise Allah search- based on looks, background and status. After this, if the prospect is religious then Ma Sha Allah, Alhamdulillah. How many religious muslims do we see today marrying the first religious alliance that comes across? Okay, let us give a concession. How many marry from amongst the first five?

Young muslims are unmarried until thirties and forties. Bad marriages have become so common. Women are reduced to maids and nannys whilst men are reduced to money minting machine. People no more exist as servants of Allah post marriage. No time for religion. No time to gain ‘ilm. No time to do any good for the ummah. A monotonous system that has been framed by the society and thus, being abided by.

Zina has become easy. Nikah has become so difficult.

Recently, the mother of an eighteen year old messaged me that she is worried for her son. He is about to join college this fall and she is worried what if he falls into any fitnah. At a time when there is open invitation for zina, it is a genuine concern. We discussed giving books and talking it out etc. When I mentioned this to my husband, his immediate response was, ask her to get him married before joining college.

I was amazed at the simplicity of the solution. Why not open doors to nikah and shut the door to zina for our youngsters forever. I told this to her, she agreed Islam is perfect in all ways. However, I am not sure how many of us would like to implement this for our children,

We have forgotten the main purpose of this Sunnah. We forget that we are choosing a companion whose character greatly affects our life in hereafter. We forget what being “coolness of eyes” means. That is where we make the major mistake for the next few decades of our lives and sometimes there is no turning back.

May Allah give us hearts to obey his commands. May He give us beneficial knowledge and keep us on siratal mustaqeem. May He help us obey Him and love Him the most. May He protect us from the fitnah of this world and make our spouse the coolness of our eyes.

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Excerpts from my life

The Perfect Tea

Almost every Sunday we have our Tarbiyah study circle. We are a group of women who study tafseer, hadith, authentic books , Arabic etc. That requires us to spend a good four hours in the classroom.

The aunty who hosts us every weekend at her place is very kind to serve us tea and snacks every time we are in our learning process.

It was the same that day. The tea arrived and the tray was circulated amongst us. We gladly took our cup and sipped into glory……. Only to realise there was no sugar.

Tea in India is a glorious drink. It has water mixed with milk, sugar and tea leaves boiled cumbersomely until it drains the leaves off all its goodness. Sometimes it has spices in it to enhance the flavor. Miscalculation in any of the above can lead to serious disappointments to tea addicts. That, is a huge portion of Indian population. My parents and husband, both cannot do without their daily two cuppaa! May Allah bless them.

I watched the expressions change. Silent expressions and confusion. Frowns, pursed lips, shrugged shoulders, raised cups hinting what was to be done. Suddenly we hear a poised firm voice -” what an amazing cup of tea isn’t it?”, and sips on with passion

Another quickly backs, “indeed it is delicious and so healthy”
-“white sugar is the poison of the century “, says another. ,” we must now start drinking this tea only. Beautiful ”

The tension suddenly eased. Everyone was smiling and giggling. And everyone continued to sip their cuppa with ease and happiness. Indeed we were reminded of another sunnah

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would never complain about food. If he desired something, he would eat it. If he disliked it, he would leave it.

Sahih Muslim 2064, Bukhari 3370

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my journey as a revert muslimah, Random

Nine Things We Need to Work on

I wanted to name this post as reverts versus bornos, then I realised it was never a competition. However, observing certains trends in Muslim society disturb me. Viewing from outside, I assumed only illiterate or poor muslims did not practise Islam as it should be. It was a misconception. Stepping into their society, I realise that the privileged ones are no better.

They like to term themselves as moderate Muslims. Basically, they choose few commands of Allah over others to suit themselves. I wonder what they wish to express by terming their way of practising Islam as moderate. Are they saying that Allah erred in codifying the shari’a or the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) was shortsighted to not  know that Islam would be too much for Muslims today. Nauzubillah. May we be forgiven for such grave errors.

I came across a beautiful definition of moderation in religion by Shaykh Uthaymeen (Rahimullah). He said, “Extremism, leniency and moderation, all the three relate back to the Shari’ah (law of Allah), so whatever is compliant to the Shariah is the moderate-balanced path, and whatever goes beyond it is exaggeration, and whatever reduced from it is leniency. So the criterion for all of these is the Shariah, and the meaning of al-e’itedaal (moderation) is conformance to the Shar’iah, whatever is according to the Shar’iah is (the path of) e’tidaal” [Fatawa Ulama balad al-Haram p.211]

This will make it easier for us to now classify ourselves into leniant and moderate muslims. In sha Allah.

Let us list a few things we have observed in leniant muslims, that they need to take more seriously:

  • Purdah: It always tops my list. My revert friends struggle for hijab. They look for every opportunity they can adorn the hijab, cover themselves up and walk with honor. I know of women who do not meet their cousins without their hijab. However, majority muslim women born into muslim households do not do hijab. It is sad. They forget the privilege Allah gave them. Society, culture, parents, husband, children etc etc etc. Shayateen will always give us reasons why we cannot do it. However, for a true muslim one reason is enough, “The pleasure of Allah”. There is always an excuse of being “good muslims from within”. However, there is no rotten tomato that is sweet from within. Even the ones who observe hijab, compromise. They meet neighbors, servants or extended family non-mahrams freely without hijab. Some even marry the “brother like” non-mahram. Gasp

 

  • Gaining ilm: Most women limit their lives to cooking, cleaning and running behind kids. Only to be doing exactly the same 20 years later. Whether they are high school educated, graduates or post graduates. They do not want to do any better. The role of islam in their lives in limited to 5 salahs and fasting in Ramadan. The Quran in their homes are for the old to recite or perhaps we recite it now and then too. But what about opening it and knowing the meaning of what Allah revealed? What about knowing the tafseer, doing hifdh, reading scholarly opinion about matters that affect us? How will we learn hadith? Is there no ambition in our lives at all to know Allah, get closer to Him and become His favorite? We assume that we know Allah. But the fact is majority of us die without having clear concept of Tawheed even. We think we know tawheed but if I ask you the classification of tawheed and how common men err in it thereby entering into shirk, most won’t be able to comprehend an example beyond grave worship and amulets. There are people who spent ages in just understanding a single concept of deen and here we are so casual about it. Where do we stand in our race to earn Jannah? Are we even trying for it?
    We are so full of bid’ahs like Quran khwani, reading quran for the dead (Quran bakshna), Chaliswa of the dead, Fateha, Shab-e-baraat etc. Not once in our life did we try to learn what worship (ibadah) in real sense is in islam. We are following Islam like cattle without any knowledge.
  • Preparing Children to be dear to Allah: We prefer sending our kids to western schools rather than islamic schools. No, I am not speaking of the traditional madressah system which confines outlook of children making them devoid of wordly knowledge. Both are important. However, today there are modern islamic schools or even classes to impart true authentic knowledge in an updated fashion.

    None of us aim at sending our children to Medina to become scholars. That is not even a remotely considered idea. We treat kids as an investment for dunya. It is our foolishness. They can be a great investment for akhirah. Only if we give them correct ilm, which they will not get amply from the maulana who comes to your home and teaches them to recite Quran without correct tajweed even. Oh yea! I see most reverts striving to learn tajweed and many bornos have even forgotten to recite Quran fluently
    We will not give them good books to clear then aqeedah, we will not make them aware of prophets and their stories..but they will know everything about fictional stories. We work so hard to make them fit and pleasing for the world and equally displeasing for Allah.

  •  Working on Simplicity: We are so desperate to be recognized as someone superior. Our complete focus is on good clothes, furniture, car, fancy restaurants, holidays etc. On one hand there  are those who give away every bit only to follow tawheed. The reputation, society, degree, profession, money and sometimes their names are tossed away simply for the sake of Allah. Then there are  people finding it hard to stop listening to music, celebrating birthdays, watching movies, wearing revealing clothes ….these are such simple things to stop. Most reverts stopped it the day they came to know these are haram. Why does it take years?
  • Choosing righteous spouse: This is something that has kept me in awe. Especially when it comes to daughters. Most reverts wait for years, despite being severely reprimanded by family, for a righteous spouse. Deen is something they do not compromise on. Some girls reach their 30s but do not prefer anyone less in deen. However, when it comes to people born into deen, it is sad that parents choose their spouses based on color, caste, creed, wealth and religion. Even when the kids do want to marry righteous spouse, but they are in hope of some miracle that they will find someone great in deen as well as satisfying all the criterion of their family. Sometimes girls are married off to someone way lesser in deen but good in all other aspects. What we do not realise is that perhaps they secured their kid’s dunya (in sha allah) but that marriage will not help them much in akhirah. Why can we not choose spouses who will open doors to jannah for our offspring?
  • Balance deen and dunya: People go for extremes. It is a wrong notion that if we gain ilm, follow the commands of Allah, work for deen then we will lag behind in wordly aspects. You can be rich, successful in profession and be very good in deen at the same time. You can be highly educated, smart, beautiful, modest and kind at the same time. Neither is an option against the other. Why are we so desperate to seek recognition through haram means? Do we not trust Allah that He is the One who grants us rizq and success? So how can we be successful by shunning his commands? Indeed he is the biggest loser who thinks he is progressive by sidelining Islam. Instead, we must wonder whether all the success and wealth so attained will be a reason for us to enter fire. Will our families, homes, society, or wealth be willing to shield us on the day of Judgment? Do they even have the capacity to? Will we have the audacity to give them as an excuse for disobeying our Master?
  • Blind following: Most of us consider Islam to be an outdated religion. Whereas it is quite contrary. Sadly, we take Islam from people who do not even belong to the religion. We assume an islamic lifestyle to be confined and seek liberty in ways that Allah does not appreciate.  We neglect the role of women in redefining the society. The foundation and revolution that women create. Their role is limited to kitty parties and spending money. Everything that leads to decrease in IQs. Just because most do not make money. The role assigned to women by Allah is larger than this. More than what we can imagine. Muslim women are expected to be intelligent, well read, sharp and active. We choose to be dull women whose spare time is spent watching serials, or sleeping. Everything but reading and imparting knowledge. How will we find peace and liberty in Islam, when never in our life did we try to understand and study it as a subject?
    What do we gain in the end? Amidst all the happiness, when our life in dunya is on closure, we feel scared of death. We waste decades that could have been used for our benefits.
  • Mutual respect and Peace: There is this weird aggression in many of us. Tolerance is zero. In small matters we pick up brawls, start gossiping about people who offended us, try to make lives miserable, and do everything except keeping love for Allahs sake a preference. We expect everyone to treat us superior to them. Marry when we want, attend programs that we want, run around for errands for us, never say a no to us, always have time for us, always receive our calls, be quiet when we in argument, and listen to our allegations quietly.
  • Not being scared: why are we so scared? So scared to be recognised as muslims. So scared to speak the truth. Scared of taking a stand for the sake of Allah. Scared to choose haqq over baatil. So scared of telling a phrase about Islam to make people aware. Why do we not have tawakkul on Allah? That He is The Mightiest and it is He who protects us. It is He with whose permission can harm be inflicted upon us or be prevented. Why is jannah and jahannam such an abstract term for us? Allah, angels, qadr, akhirah…why is our imaan not firm on these things? It again comes back to the fact that we have not read and learnt enough about it. How will we feel anything about something we do not know about? And how will we know about anyone without learning about Him? We suffer from complexes. Inferiority complex. Thus, the constant effort to prove oneself “normal”.

Remember, Abu Hurayrah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said: The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “Islam began as something strange and will revert to being strange as it began, so give glad tidings to the strangers.” [Sahih Muslim, 145]

So, do you find yourself a stranger or one amongst many?

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Excerpts from my life

Guidance.

I am at my grandma’s place. I feel jealous. Jealous of those who have Muslim families. Whose grandparents at least died uttering the shahadah. I am jealous of those who have practising parents. Who gave them  tarbiyah to be a good Muslim. Did you ever realise, that even when you were not practising, even on the days you didn’t pray salah, when you ever thought of God it was always Allah. If you ever have to beg before someone, it was always Allah.;

At least you knew His name. At least you knew there is some miraculous book of His. You always knew about the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam)

It is a different story here. If we tell them there is only one God, they ask “which one” .. Each day starts with shirk. The temple priest is a snob and everyone hates him but he has to be respected by everyone. I can’t stand his tobacco stained teeth.

I sometimes wonder whether I should get on the top of a mountain(here rock) and declare about Islam how the Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) did. Whether I should break the idols of the temple like Ibrahim (as) did. Whether I should have a direct talk with the priest. Or what else should I do.

No matter what I speak to the women here, goes unheard. My blabbering about The Creator and everything else being creations. About Tawheed. Akhirah. The idols being lifeless. Trees and sun being creations. They agree and the next morning I find them back to the same routine. As if not a thought was spared about what I said for a moment. As if it was just another gossip session.

They are not even literate for me to give away books. Males are a degree above vain. It pains to see their life. Their lifestyle is way tougher than the life in city. Women are working all day long. People eat five meals a day. They are cleaning their houses, washing and ironing clothes, cutting chopping cooking, separate schedule for temple stuff, serving in laws, raising brats, tendering cattles, filling water in containers… They slog from 6am till 9pm. They are just on and on and on. To top it, there is a fast or festival every 5th day where they have to do all this without food. They have restrictions in folding also. There is a list of things they cannot eat simply because they are married.

Waste. All a waste. Aimlessly doing things just because this is what women do in the village. Their simplicity, their goodness..will they be of any use? Only Allah knows. The prettiest bride, the most educated of them, the best and the worst person, each one has the same routine.

At times I am mum. At times I discuss things with them. How is it even supposed to happen in five days? How will guidance reach them when I live 2000 kms away. At times this question haunts me: Should I live in a Muslim dominated place where my imaan is secure. Where I am surrounded with opportunities to gain ilm and practice Islam freely with ease. Or should I give up this privilege and settle here to work on my people. What is more important?

Indeed, guidance is from Allah alone. His plans and His ways are matters we will never know or understand…

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IOU Assignments- informations., Islam

Kibr-A Barrier for the Student of Knowledge

KIBR- A Barrier for the Student of Knowledge

Bismillahir Rahmaanir Raheem

 

Refined manners suit a student of knowledge. Etiquette of a student of knowledge includes :

 

  • Forbearance: that he is not reckless or quick to retaliate
  • Abstinence
  • Patience with common folk
  • Submission to truth and
  • Expecting reward from Allah alone (Ibn Uthaymeen).

 

Whoever Allah wishes good for, He gives him knowledge of deen. Therefore, students of knowledge must acknowledge this blessing (Muhammady, 2015)

 

Lower your wing of humility to Allah

A person setting out to gain knowledge should know that it is a form of worship. His heart must be flood with desire of gaining Allah’s pleasure and humble submission towards Him. This, will make him amongst the honorable ones in both worlds (bin-Baaz, 2014). Slightest pride leads to rejection of worship (Ibn-Hanbal, 2014).

 

In a narration of Abu Dawood, Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) states that a person who seeks knowledge for materialism rather than to see the face of Allah shall not smell the fragrance of paradise.

 

Kibr that openly opposes and negates Eemaan results in the banishment of the one who holds it from entering al-Jannah as is found in Allaah’s statement:

“And your Lord said: “Invoke Me, I will respond to your (invocation). Verily! Those who scorn (yastakbiroon – Have kibr) My worship, they will surely enter Hell in humiliation!” [Surah Ghaafir: 60]

A form of humility before Allah is to fear him and establish Tawheed. Allah promises the muttaqeen forgiveness and great reward. Some salafs termed fear of Allah as absolute knowledge. Ibn Masood (radiallahu anhu) stated that fear of Allah suffices as ilm whereas absence is sufficient ignorance. Possession of ilm is proportional to taqwa. Indeed, Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) was the most fearful of Allah with the maximum taqwa (Bukhari).

 

 

Make du’aa for ‘ilm:

Allah promises that He will respond to calls of his servant. To the lowest heaven He comes each night in the last one-third to respond to our supplications (Bukhari)

 

Ibn Tayyimah used to supplicate by pleading, ““O teacher of Ibraaheem, teach me! O educator of Sulaymaan, grant me understanding!”.

 

Allah commanded Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam): “…and say:, ‘My Lord! Increase me in knowledge’” (TaHa, 114). Even Ibrahim (alayhis salam) made dua for ilm and righteousness (Ash-shuara, 83).

 

Lower the wing of humility to creation

The ulama are the inheritors of knowledge from Prophets. Humility before them is essential. Allah warns us how Shaytaan works from all directions to make us amongst the thankless (Al-Araf, 17). 

 

Kibr is a disease of tyrants (Ibn Uthaymeen). Arrogance and tawheed cannot harvest in the same soul. Feeling superior for performance of any act of worship represents lack of taqwa and understanding of Allah’s asma was-sifaat. We are reminded of how Qarun, when boasted about being wealthy owing to his ilm, was swallowed by the earth under Allah’s command (Al-Qasas, 76-78).

 

A kind of kibr is to despise the people, and to look down upon them. This attitude arises when a person is amazed with his own self, thinks highly of himself, and thinks he is better than others. So this causes him to have kibr towards the creation, despise them, mock them, and to degrade them through both speech and action (As-Sa’di). Allaah’s Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam said:

“It is enough evil for a person to despise his brother Muslim.” (Sahih Muslim)

 

A true student of knowledge has reverence of Allah’s greatness and knows nobody can match it. Thus, he mellows down knowing that our esteem comes from none than other Allah(Ibn-Khamis).

 

 

Humility of Scholars

Abu Bakr (radiallahu anhu), the best man after Prophets, made du’aa that Allah makes him better than what people perceive him to be, that Allah does not make him accountable for their words and that he is forgiven for things they are not aware of. This du’aa swelled Shaikh Albanee when he was praised by a brother and he broke down saying that he was merely a student of knowledge (Abu Yahyaa).

 

Abdullah ibn-Umar (Radiallahu anhu) was renowned for his knowledge and piety. He was always cautious of what came out of his tongue. He narrated hadiths of Rusool Allah only if he was confident of remembering every bit of it

 

Musab bin Umayr (radiallahu-anhu), was from an affluent family but his humility reflects when he chose to give up his wealth for imaan. The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) chose him to be the first ambassador of Islam, to Yathrib. When the chief of the tribe came with fury to shoo them away, Musab instead of retaliating, humbly offered him to listen. He suggested that he may leave if he does not like what Musab and the Prophet had to say. It was a result of this poise, that the chief along with Sa’ad bin Muad and the entire tribe accepted Islam

 

The four imaams have been known to not treat their words are the final line. Imam Hanifa, did not allow his students to write down his teachings lest he may change his opinion in future. Imam Malik was wary of making his jurisprudence the law of the state during Umayyid dynasty. Nor did he ever haste to speak on matters he had no knowledge of. Imam Sha’fie also gave in to the fact that there will be many hadith that will be known after him. Thus, he gave preference to the word of Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) as well. 

 

The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam)

Allah (azza wajal) commanded Prophet (Salallahu alayhi wasallam) to lower his wings and show his gentleness to the believers (Ash-Shuara, 215).

 

The Prophet (salallahu alayhi wasallam) was an epitome of humility. We have narrations where he would sit on the ground, lick his fingers after eating and ride donkeys. He established being humble as his sunnah and who is a better muslim than he who follows the sunnah of Rusool Allah.

 

He (salallahu alayhi wasallam) would walk down to meet those who were sick. His heart would melt to see the impoverished in distress. So much that he addressed to treat slaves as brothers put under our control by Allah. Kids would climb upon him when he would pray and he would be patient. When he sat with his companions, he looked like a commoner such by-passers had to inquire who Muhammad was from amongst them.

 

He (salallahu alayhi wasallam) prayed the salah of janazah for a destitute black woman who looked after the mosque. He would accept the most meager invitations and would greet children. A freed slave-woman wanted to divorce her slave-husband trespassing the Prophet’s advice and Rusool-Allah accepted her choice.

 

He would not hesitate to move dust and do works of labour with those lesser in status so as to help them. He (salallahu alayhi wasallam) ate as the servant ate, he sat as the servant sat. That was how he address himself as- a servant. 

 

CONCLUSION (Kibr- A barrier to Paradise)

 

From ‘Abdullaah Ibn Mas’ood radi-Allaahu ‘anhu who related that Allaah’s Messenger sal-Allaahu ‘alayhe wa sallam said:

Whoever has an atoms worth of kibr (pride) in his heart will not enter Paradise.” So a man said: What about a person who loves (i.e. takes pride in) wearing beautiful clothes and beautiful shoes? So he replied: “Indeed Allaah is beautiful and loves beauty. Kibr (pride) is to reject the truth, and to despise the people.”

 

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Excerpts from my life

The Plan is Never Our’s..

​In the name of Allah, the Most Merciful, The Especially Merciful

I am writing this standing in an alien land, stranded. Its fun in its own way. Husband and I planned a much awaited post-marriage vacation to Srinagar. Bags were packed, mood was set and we were to board our flight from Delhi (200kms from my city). Subhanallah, our flight was canceled. 

Do they not see the birds controlled in the atmosphere of the sky? none holds them up except Allah. Indeed in that are signs for a people who believe.” – Quran (16:79)

It was disappointing, but we had two options, either we could be upset and ruin the vacation or we could do something out of the few days that we have at hand. Husband’s profession doesn’t allow him to take leaves without some struggle 🙂 (He has to works even on Sundays) 

Alhamdulillah, it did not take us long to calm our nerves. A couple of minutes maybe. How beautiful is the matters of a believer. The first thought was to go back to our homes, turn off mobile phones, simply laze the 5 days and vacation there. We trusted the istikhara we made. Indeed, this was better for us. 

The day was branded with more experiences. Husband called a brother we knew and the brother made arrangements for a single room that was next to his paying guest accommodation. We decided to travel by metro to save money, time and to gain my first experience of metro. 

There are times we do not understand why certain things happen with us. Shaikh Uthaymeen used to ask his students to walk barefoot at times. This is so that we do not become vain [1]. Struggles pep you up. They are our opportunity to earn rewards. Rewards that we take ages to earn under normal circumstances. 

So be patient. Indeed, the promise of Allah is truth – Quran 30:60″

Why not soothe your spouse, show a cheerful face and thank him for trying his best to comfort you. When we trust Allah and accept things as His Qadr, amazing thoughts come into your mind. 
Husband was struggling because I was there. Had he been alone, he would’ve been carrying just one bagpack, would’ve flung it onto a local dilapidated bus and rode back home without the fear of being groped. But today, the no-more-bachelor-husband, was stressed. It was going to be hectic. 

So we embarked a three hour journey to the brother’s place. What awaited us was a pleasant surprise. It was a slum. I was amazed how Allah changed our plans within minutes. 

Do we always believe we will have the luxuries that we have now? Is it our’s in the first place? From the comforts of a hotel we were literally sprung into a one roomed home.  

Paper thin walls that seeped in the noises of the rooms closely stacked (or squeezed) next to ours. We could hear television, murmurs, vendors announcing their sale, men boasting about how well the dealt with crooks, toilet flush and all kinds of vehicles down the road. 

You had to sit carefully on the bed lest it would break. The construction was uniquely jugaadu (Indian term for strategic management). Pieces of woods struggling to survive together. The bathroom door had no latch to it and the basins were stained by the mineral deposits. 

It took a while to seep in this view. And Subhanallah we burst into a hearty laughter. How thankless have I been for the comforts I have? Even the freedom to speak aloud is a blessing. Husband and I whispered to communicate all the time. 
Brother was very kind. Cold drink and fruits were served instantly. In the evening we decided to treat ourselves in the restaurant which catered our Nikah meals. The intention was to revive the Nikah taste. 

Upkeeping the Indian tradition, brother and Husband started insisting to pay the bill. Brother won and I messaged his wife that they cheated. Had I known priorly of his intention to pay the bill, I would’ve ordered some kababs, biryani, dessert, drinks, manchurian and tandoor as well.

 Muslim brotherhood never fails to amaze me. People end up doing things that even the closest relatives think twice before doing. Because unlike others, momins know the reward is from Allah. A momin is a servant of Allah. No matter how the place was, but the hospitality we received was five star. 
Green tea served under the instructions of his wife (she was away at her mom’s but was carefully supervising the service). 24×7 unlimited high speed internet was provided. Husband was guided to masjid for Maghreb and Isha. Tea was served with warm momos. 

Early morning our eyes opened to the sound of eggs beating next door. A small push was enough to trip husband down the tiny bed. We got ready in a hush hush and relished having toast, omlettes, jam, tea and  my green tea again. 

As we left the place, we felt enriched. Enriched with gratitude. Gratitude to Allah for His mercies in our lives, for making us realise how overpowering His plans are and for being acquainted with this brother. 

And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him of his matter ease.”

(At-Talaaq: Verse 4)

Our flight today was a connecting via Jammu. Subhanallah, our duas were answered and this flight was not cancelled. The turbulent weather made the flight really shaky, thereby leaving us at the mercy of Allah subhana wa ta’ala. 

Husband and I were amazed how a sophisticated device by mankind could not stand the slight force of wind. It saddens me to see mankind prostrating before the creations of Allah. Does Allah not challenge them to re-create a creation as minute as the fly?

O mankind! A similitude has been coined, so listen to it (carefully): verily! Those on whom you call besides Allah cannot create (even) a fly, even though they combine together for the purpose. And if the fly snatched away a thing from them, they would have no power to release it from the fly. So weak are (both) the seeker and the sought.”

[al-Hajj 22:73]

As we landed safely in Jammu, we were told our flight to Srinagar was canceled as well. After a bit of harassment, we are finally scheduled to fly to Srinagar tomorrow in sha allah

Next, in sha allah, we plan to tour the city Allah landed us into. At present we are awaiting a traditional kashmiri meal in a restaurant. 
He is with you, where you may be; and Allah, of what you do, is seeing”  (Al-hadid: 4)


May Allah reward you.
[1] Etiquettes of seeking knowledge by Sh. Abu Bakr Zaid with commentary by Sh. Uthaymeen

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Excerpts from my life

Letters…

-“And your Lord is the Free of need, the possessor of mercy” (Quran, 6:133)

Have you ever wondered the mercy Allah swt has put in time? How as time passes every problem, sourness or heart break heals. Indeed Allah subhana wa ta’ala is Ash Shafee- The Healer. Like every sickness, He heals hearts as well. 

There are moments I sit back and reflect upon the small journey that I have traversed. Alhamdulillah, the feeling is nothing less than being “overawed”. Who could have ever planned a life this way? All the twist, turns, happy and good times. The unimaginable position I am in today and the incomprehensible position I will be five years down the line. How many of us end up exactly where we had planned? I, at least, had never imagined to be here in this city, amidst the people I am and doing the things that I am today. 

I stood against yet another such moment. I found old mails. Mails I had exchanged with Zara two years back. We were such hopeless zombies back then! To give a brief background of our status- we were new reverts peeping into this weird world of Islam. Alien, yet pleasing. Awkward, yet serene. 

Intrigued eyes that searched a niche for themselves as Muslims. Those mails made me smile. I remember how happy we were to come across each other on WordPress. Very soon we were exchanging mails and sharing our despairs. 

Thats what I plan when I start working also. To wake up early and keep my learning of deen in the morning, maybe reading a little quran or learning something Inshallah and then start my day…


 Yes, we were learners back then. We did not know where to read from, whom to take knowledge from. We did not know what to do the next day as Muslimahs.


“…Btw, my landlord invited me for Eid 🙂 I was so happy. I’ll be meeting some muslims maybe! Priya was again joking that I am such a big bhukkad that I spent all iftaris with her and when the time to celebrate eid came, I am running to eat biryani there! …”


And we were desperate to meet Muslims. Good practising Muslims.. Or maybe just any good muslim. We wanted to feel as a part of the ummah. 

“…I can understand your struggles regarding your salah. Even I used to have a hard time finding a private space to pray, when I was at home or hostel. You must have read about that in my blog. Insha’allah one day you will pray all with ease…”

I just hope Inshallah a day comes when I can pray all my prayers happily, when I will have a family where everyone is praying on time so that I don’t feel the agony that I feel many a times to leave a conversation in between to pray or to leave a show interrupted to pray.. There are so many prayers I pray in the last 15mins by coaxing myself…  sometimes I do feel scared that Islam will slip away from my life, this is the only fear which keeps me from missing a prayer and, I doubt myself whether my faith is weak… I feel scared about the day I again start missing prayers or the day I feel attracted to the unislamic kind of life….”



And we consoled each other. Giving each other hope. How far we have come from that path Alhamdulillah. Today when I see Zara, I see a strong and intelligent muslimah. It is beautiful to imagine the way Allah subhana wa ta’ala placed her in my life just when I needed someone like her the most. To witness someone in the same struggles as me. The same apprehensions. 

Perhaps, it was the first time I realised what loving for Allah could mean. Alhamdulillah, only I know(and Allah knows better) what her presence in my life meant at that point. She was a rope that held me tight into deen. How I flourished as a muslimah only by knowing the fact that if I drop, she might be left alone. How her struggles inspired me to go on. And in the most pristine way we held each other and pulled each other to walk with us (only by the will of Allah). 

“…And no my mom knows nothing about my reversion. In fact she did doubt it but she knows nothing. I am so scared to even mention a related topic to her. She had almost caught me praying once or twice..almost! Now I am careful…”


 Today both of us have spoken to our parents. Alhamdulillah, what a path we have walked together indeed. I still remember the discussions we had on “what next”. Strategies, consoling, tears and hopes. There was so much to share and learn. We gave everything we could from 200kms apart. 

“…about my marriage, yes I do worry about it a lot. Sometimes I feel scared that I will be 50years old and alone 😛 I do not see many good guys around me in the first place, secondly I do not see many muslim guys around me, thus seeing a combo of good muslim guy seems like a far cry for me. I do not which community to socialize in to meet people, I do not know whether putting up an add in matrimonial is a good idea, I do not know how to meet an imam to ask him to find because imams seems unapproachable…infact even being in the 50m radius of a masjid makes me so awkward that I wish to scuffle out from that area. Dating is out of scene for me. Its basically very lonely, empty and scary for me to look in that area of my life. Spending every ramadan alone is a very depressing thought. Someday I wish to have a family to sit for suhoor and iftari, to have a mahram to go for hajj with…even if its my  mom dad 🙂 …”


That made me choke. Look at those words! So much fear. Subhanallah.  I sometimes wonder whether these words have really been spoken by us? Did we think this way? Was it the same me pouring these words from my core and was it the same she sharing her thoughts?

How stupid I was. How stupid I was to not realise that Allah has plans for me. How naive of me to not know only Allah is The Planner and the Master of my destiny. Indeed He had planned these years so beautifully for us.

Our rizq, ilm, marriage and relations were taken care of. Yes, with time we are tested and there is always a new test.. Perhaps now we know a little better Subahanallah..  Perhaps it is true that our tests make us better Muslims, and strenghten our eemaan. The greatest fear that we sailed through is of giving up on Islam.

 But were we really the ones who dealt with the issues, strived or struggled? What did we really do? We merely lived our lives the way we had to. Chapters merely unfolded smoothly so that we could be on a new page. 

And the old pages? They are soft reminders my friend. Soft reminders of how our affairs are in good hands. How our fears back then were baseless and how our fears of this day are baseless too. Patience and prayer are the two keys to deal with every hardship. 

Today perhaps I’ll sit and count the blessings I have today. In sha Allah. Those blessings that were once upon a time duas … A quiet moment to be grateful and introspect that moment in which my duas got accepted. To introspect myself, the person I am today. Am I a better muslimah? Am I a thankful muslimah…

. . then when (Sulaiman (Solomon)) saw it placed before him, he said: “This is by the Grace of my Lord to test me whether I am grateful or ungrateful! And whoever is grateful, truly, his gratitude is for (the good of) his own self, and whoever is ungrateful, (he is ungrateful only for the loss of his own self). Certainly! My Lord is Rich (Free of all wants), Bountiful”   [ Qur’am: An-Naml: 40]

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