Excerpts from my life

The Vain Muslim Wedding-3

​Comes the wedding day. Sleep deprived me is in full mood to dodge the wedding party and catch a nap. Sigh! but that was against the decree of Allah. No corner I found could remain away from the mystic touch of chattering crowd. My ears obviously would flap wide open whenever someone commented on matters regarding Islam. The groom was dressed, his hair oiled and perfumed. The amusing part is Muslims here believe in doing everything auspicious facing the Kiblah. Let me give away the happenings now..

1. Great Food: No denying this. Food is superb. It was however sad that I had a hard time eating all the gravy and masala and chat from under my niqab due to the presence of males all around. At the end of the festivities, a lot of it goes wasted. The surprising thing was when some poor relatives expressed interest to take some food back home, they were denied. A day later, it was in news that lots and lots of food was wasted and thrown.
Another amazing thing I witnessed for the first time was food stealing in the wedding party. Hoards of sheermal (delicious Indian bread) were sneaked in and locked by some relatives, creating a shortage whilst serving the guests.  No wonder so many people were astonished seeing one on my plate! 😀 Yeah I managed to get one of those last pieces served. 

2. Nikah Rules Crashed: women gathered into a room for the nikah to be conducted. Phew. Finally that one moment where I could remove my niqab and flash my make up a bit. 

No no no. What I forgot was that it was the best opportunity for the Romeos to catch a view of all beautiful ladies at one go! So we had Romeos peeping in one after another and Juliet’s blushing or acting to ‘not care’ .. Blah blah blah burrrrrrrrrrrr

Soon the bride accepted the groom as her husband. And there was a group crying session. They cried and cried and cried. 

This moment amuses me every time. In the excitement of getting married, I forgot to cry at my wedding. :-/  Till date when I witness the brides weeping, I try hard to grasp the emotion but I am only left gawking 

Then I was waiting for the khutba…but….. There was none that I could hear. Husband says, nikah khutba was merely a formality of few things uttered and nobody paying attention. Nobody bothered about putting up speakers for the audience and women to listen to the khutba. 

The bride is then taken to dress up. Yeah, they get married in one costume. Cry and ruin that make up and costume. Then they change for the final look. So the $1000 (Rs. 65,000 approx) wedding gown is just tossed off after 30minuted of use. And to shop for it, we waste approximately 746373hours. [Warning: serious exaggerations!]

3) Dwaar chikhai– so I was boggled when I was stopped at the door after we went back home. I was clueless. A random me asked what the matter was

-“there is a ritual left. Dwar chikai” , says the groom’s sister

-” what’s that? “, clueless super innocent me

-” you don’t even know what dwar chikai is?” , sharp taunt from irritating aunty. As if not knowing dwar chikai disqualifies me to set my foot on this piece of earth.

-“it’s not even an Islamic ritual :-O”, bang on reply.  

The stupidest thing she went to do after this is to complain to my mom in law. 

-“your daughter in law says dwar chikai is shirk ”

-“it’s not shirk. It’s biddah”, I prompt from behind

*smug* *smug*

-“haan haan she is right “, says my ever supporting mom in law

Haha. We giver her the “loser” look and annoying aunty shies away from yet another failed attempt. 

So the groom is basically stopped at the doorstep and denied entry or privacy with his wife unless he pays some money. 

So what was all the fuss about? Grrrrrrrr

4) Joota churai : Grooms shoes are stolen by bride’s sister and he must pay a price ten times its market price to get it back. Bride’s sister/ bridesmaids laugh and tease the groom. Groom’s brother/groomservants tease them back by refusing to pay. Finally groom obliges and increases the cost price of those shoes by thousands.

5) A beautiful bride: You see none like them. Hearts skip a beat to witness their beauty. Even of the male audience as they come to click pics and view the brides sitting on the stage. Decked up and gorgeous. The bride now adorns sindoor (auspicious religious red powder to signify marital status of women in Hinduism) and bindi (red dot on forehead denoting the same). 

Finally after being on stage for 2-3hrs, the bride has to be deported to her marital home. Therefore, she wears her seventh dress of the evening. She is covered in an abaya customarily, which is soon taken off when she sits in the car. They cry a lot again and I scratch my head wondering why. 😀 I am being mean I guess. 

The vain wedding is followed by a month of controversies and disputes. Many are still finding out flaws in the much extravagant wedding. Pointing out shortcomings in gradeur or royal treatment of guests. Arguing over how they felt humiliated when XYZ said so and so ..or when the bride’s mother did not do so and so for her. The villains are investigated by the Sherlock Holmes of the family who knew the realty of ABC since ever but found this an appropriate moment to unleash their reality. We also get intimations of who said what about us and how much the informer loves us for having informed us (though said nothing in our defence on the spot)..and the saga goes on and on and on…..

Phew..

Jazakallah khair for being my patient reader. May Allah reward you

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Excerpts from my life

The Vain Muslim Wedding-2

The benefit of observing purdah was that nobody expected any help in the chores from me. The chores required roaming around the place and Therefore, amidst the chaos, I could stick to an isolated corner of the house and write this

My companions kept changing. Each came and left for some work soon after. But I stayed there without being tagged the useless vain bahu (daughter in law). 

Here come more facts and features of the Vain Muslim Wedding:

1) The Deen Discussions- Everyone gets the opportunity to explore the  ulama in them. So we get to hear innumerable fatwas and rulings Like keeping  hing (asafetida) in a paper with the bride and family to keep them safe in journey, reciting all five kalimas before nikah, piercing nose is fardh for married women, drinking water the sunnah way gives you reward of 100 martyrs, congregational duas being sunnah and of course various situation where it is “Okay” to remove niqab . 

2) Cramped spaces: This is all about crowded places and messy floors. The house becomes a mess due to the two person per square feet population density. There is water, paper, wrappers, shoes, dropped food and many stamped crushed somethings on the floor. I have spent hours searching for a clean 5*2 sq feet space inaccessible by males for ten minutes so that I could comfortably offer my Salah. 

3) Sleep deprivation: There is no fun when you’re sleep deprived. Period. The functions went on until 1:30-2:00am. You crawl in the morning to make it for fajr (only to find the entire household sleeping due to hangover after partying hard). Just as you get a little sleep, the commotion starts. People start roaming around the house for morning walks, thereby entering each room and checking out if anyone is available for the day’s talking session start. Sometimes there will also be an old auntys group coming in and hanging out in the room for a chit chat in trembling loud voices to comfortably hear each other. There is no sleeping after that. People people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people

4) The day before wedding– it starts with Qur’an Khawni. People are hired to read Quran in your home within 15minutes and get done with it. You gotta fit Allah somewhere dude. So just squeeze time out for it.Family and guests are here and there “acting busy”

Then we have more important stuff like haldi cum sangeet (Music ceremony). We get a DJ and shake that leg of yours babe! There is mehendi (applying turmeric on the bride) and we have cameramen to record it too. 

Gifts for the bride and groom is exotically spread on display and everyone is informed to come and view. There are heaps of gold & diamond jewelery, shoes, accessories, clothes etc. I dont even remember what that ritual was called. 

Rest of the day was all about being bothered about food and dodging the eyes of men.

5)Food- That is everything women in the household do. I don’t know why managing food takes a caterer as well as 50 men in the marriage venue and 50 women at home. The day would begin with people scrambling for a cup of tea and biscuits. Next, chaos would start for where the breakfast was. People would spend hours to figure out whether to have it in the wedding venue or whether to import it at home. Some would leave while others would choose to be at home because going to venue would mean getting dressed up. 

Thus, for them breakfast would finally arrive at 1pm. Lunch would arrive post 4pm. The food is always royal but until dinner evryome would have lost appetite. 

Third day into the ceremony and everyone had given up. 90% did not have supper. Many piled it on plates out of greed and couldn’t swallow beyond few morsels. 

Result? Overused washrooms and some unpleasant odour in the air. 😀 *chuckles*
I cannot believe the post has gone to be so long and I am still not done with my critical analysis. We will follow up with a third part.
By the way, I feel so cheesy to have written “The Wedding Saga” series. I read that a few days back and couldn’t stop gawking at how mushy I was to write that. I wanted to delete it out of embarrassement or redo the framing. Ones who read it deserve an apology. 

Come back for part 3! 

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Excerpts from my life

The Wedding Saga – Part 2

I don’t know how I was destined to be a part of a wedding so beautiful. Everything was just perfect. When the date was finalized, I freaked out. “Only ten days later!”. That was my first reaction. 

I shoved aside all my dreams of having any celebration. Perhaps that was another sacrifice and test for my after having accepted this deen.

It was so, till I told them. Oh yes! This story is about them. The stories have always been about us. Not the king, not the queen…but the pristinity in the relations for the sake of Allah. My sisters in deen. 


I told them I really needed them. I wanted them to come. It was not an invitation as a guest but a desperate request. I told them I need them by my side as my family. It was a short notice, and tickets would be hard to get. But for them to be there was all I wanted. I didn’t want a lonely wedding.


They are a handful but Alhamdulillah, it amazes me to this day how our hearts bonded. Most of us met virtually and with time Allah azza wajal helped us meet on one occasion or other. Despite the distance, despite the sudden notice, despite all odds each one said yes!


I don’t know how and when they managed to arrange all that they did. How Sana apa managed to plan tiny ceremonies all by herself.. How Afaaf stood by me in a jittery moment..how Ayesha, Zara, Farheen, Pushra, Mehar and Asiyah managed to arranged the tiniest bit of jewelery. I do not know how they did it in just ten days

Two days before my wedding were spent with Sana apa’s home. Those were few of the warmest days I have experienced in my life. Words shall do no justice. It was beginning to feel like a wedding. 
My mehr jewellery had arrived.. It was beautiful. Alhamdulillah. There were clothes lined up, trials on, make up being done, women chatting and laughing.. I was being treated as the bride. 🙂 Then came the most unexpected moment of the day…. 

close your eyes….


I did.


**some ruffling and rumbling **


-open them now



I did



It was this- 




I don’t know whether I deserved it. I wished for it…I dreamt of it.. I had lost hope of anything even close to it.. And here it was spread before me. A moment captured within me for eternity.. And I know, in sha Allah, I’ll see this moment repeat itself when I pass it on to another revert marrying for the sake of Allah. This time I’ll see her well, reminiscing this moment again….

To be continued…

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